Culture Shock!

Merriam-Webster describes culture shock as a sense of confusion and uncertainty sometimes with feelings of anxiety that may affect people exposed to an alien culture or environment without adequate preparation

Y’all, prepared for some ish I definitely was not, I can tell you that for sure because I have experienced all kinds of this confusion since I got to this Biden’s America and I’ll be gisting you about a few of those. 

So you know how on the 1st of October every year, to celebrate Naija Independence day, no one stays home cz we be outside chilling and chopping wherever we go? Hmmmm that is how on my first 4th of July here, I declared I wasn’t cooking, we shall go out and do this the Naija way.

Haaaaaa *wipes lone tear*

That is how we went out and drove the whole length and width of this town looking for where to eat. Tell me why not even one restaurant was open.

We even drove to the next town about 20 mins away. Guess what? 

Yup, you got it right. It was a ghost town. No food, no hanging out, nada!

So what happens here as against our deck up and go out is everyone stays home and does a bbq; basically hang out with family and friends and throw knock out at night. The knock out is always amazing so I wont complain much.

Now, to the more shocking experience for me… 

That is how I have not gone to church on Christmas Day since I came here oh! Ah, a whole Christmas Day and I’m getting a message the day before about how we should all spend time with family and have a blessed day.

Ahhh! Will  my Christmas cloth wear itself? So there will be no dancing and plenty offerings? We will not stay in church for extra time as our own part of omugwu for Jesus’ birth?

Oya what am I supposed to be doing at home on Christmas Day? No church, no outing cz everywhere is closed as usual. 

#Sigh

Did you just ask yourself what happens on New Year’s Eve and day of? Hmmmm no crossover service, no dancing in church till midnight and screaming ‘happy new year’ at mid night. 

You want to know the worst one of all? 

I was gobsmacked when I realized I would have to pump gas in my car, all by myself! Like why? Why can’t I just sit like the baby girl that I am and have someone else on it like I do back home? Why do i have to come down from the car, take the nozzle and pump? This is definitely something I still can’t get used to and because of this, my tank is always red before I pump gas.

Well, well, what can I say? Na who send me come, abi?

Oh, another one. If you go to buy fresh fish, this is what you will get. No head, no skin….                                 

                                                   

How does a Bachama girl survive this? Fish no head? 

*Wipes lone tear*

Thank God for the African shops that ship full fish as it was meant to be; head and skin intact!

Oh, don’t go and be confused like me when you order fried fish in the restaurants and get this ↓.

And the kind of things my eyes saw in New Orleans when I attended a concert during the Essence festival ehn? Gist for another day.

Sooo, now it’s your turn, tell me about the biggest culture shock you’ve experienced, locally or internationally. 

Xoxo

Ps: there’s  more oh but these are the ones I choose to talk about today, I will fill y’all up with time.

To Thine Own Self, Be True…

Hey Peoples!

It’s been a minute. 

I know, I know… just that life has been lifing.

#whew!

So a conversation happened that got me thinking… so much so that it made me want to get serious-ish with stuff, with the blog and maybe more. 

Ok, let me gist you. The other day, I attended a friend’s birthday party and the celebrant introduced me to another guest and this happened. 

Celebrant to Lady: you’ve met my friend, right?

Lady: No, I don’t think I have.

Me: shakes head as mouth was busy with sweet puff puff

Celebrant to lady: This is AA’s wife.

Lady lights up: Oh, you’re the writer!

Me to myself: Writer bawo? *swallows puff puff*

Me to nice lady: Oh no, I am not a writer.

Nice lady: You know XYZ in Shreveport, right? She told me about y’all and she says you’re a writer.

Me still confused: Yes, I know her but I am not a writer.

At this point, another friend, Momma Ify, who was with us looks at me and says ‘but you write naa, how about your blog?’

Me in a state of lol: Ehn but that is not writing writing like that naa…

At this point, momma Ify went ahead to make my head swell by saying how much of a good writer she thinks I am. I sha stood there accepting the hype but not with full chest cz who are y’all talking about?!

I however remember I met the lady from Shreveport through my blog page on the ‘gram and I thought to myself, so like this now, this lady has been seeing me as, and introducing me as a writer and I’ve never considered myself  one?

What does it even mean to be a writer? I know I enjoy doing this and I started cz I wanted to put down my feelings on stuff, opinions and the occasional amebo out there and for no one in particular, I just wanted a fun type thing. I also started anonymously because I was not confident in my writing and not sure anyone would even be interested in reading it.

But this lady saw me as a writer *sneakering*.  She saw me as more than I saw myself and that made me feel good and then it made me feel bad about myself. I felt good because I felt ‘seen’ then I felt bad because I didn’t see myself. 

I always shied away from saying I had a blog and even when I began to say that I did, I always felt I was not writing anything serious which is why I only sent links to posts to my close friends only. There would be days I’d go through others’ blogs and ask myself why I do not write ‘serious’ stuff in a serious tone like they do. Then I’ll will myself to write like them but whenever I do, it just does not feel like me *does that even make sense?*

Anyways, after thinking long and hard, I have now decided to be me, to embrace my writing style and generally, to myself, be true.

So please allow me to introduce myself…*shouting on top of my lungs* My name is Zandaborom *whispers* and I am a writer.

Stay hydrated.

xoxo

PS: I don’t even know if this post title even gels like that but that was what popped up in my head when I thought of writing about this and I went with it.

WOMAN!

 

That is the only name my Father ever called me. 

Woman… 

I loved being called this by my father. 

It made me feel special. 

So so special.

I was Woman…

Everyday, just me, Woman to my Baba. 

I was happy. 

Sixteen years later, a little girl was born. 

My sister, the loveliest little thing ever and I adored her. I knew I loved her, but maybe I didn’t know  just how much I did till Baba began to call her Woman; I wanted so badly to feel jealous, but  I just could not. I was happy to share my special name with her and our bond grew and grew such that everyone knew she was special special to me.

She was my baby.

Mine to love and spoil and boi, love and spoil her did I do!

I loved her so… so much that I began to tell people I was her mom and I was always happy when those that did not know believed me. 

She was my baby.

From the first time she got a phone, her number was saved as ‘MaGold’ cz that is what she is to me.

She grew up so beautiful, so brilliant and was I proud of her! So so proud. Her intelligence made me feel better about my Olodo-ness as i would tell myself that I must have added part of my brain to hers. Don’t judge me, mans gotta make mans feel better about mans Olodo-ness. 

Now, let me tell you about my baby.

Ma’Gold, the Angel. 

A literal Angel with the sweetest smile ever.

So beautiful, so gentle, did I mention her brilliance? Truly an intelligent young woman.

An academic award winning Architect. 

An obedient lover of God.

A follower of Christ. 

A prayer warrior. 

A beautiful soul. 

A music lover. 

The sweetest girl.

Member, goshi gang. 

A true foodlum

Knowing her equals loving her.

Her beautiful smile would warm up every room she entered.

Her calm nature would bring peace. 

I’m sure if we ever saw her farts, they’d  glitter and her sneeze, like colorful musical notes.

The 2nd ‘Woman’ in Baba’s life.

Ma’Gold

My big brother’s baby.

My baby brother’s twin.

My sisters’ ajebo baby sis. 

Sammy’s Babies…

My baby girl…

On this international women’s day, I celebrate you. 

With tears in my eyes as i write this. I celebrate you. 

I celebrate your life, Ma.Gold.

I thank God for the opportunity to have loved you, you knew without a doubt how much I loved you. 

I will not be sad today, I promise.

I will close my eyes picture how on the 20th of January 2024 heaven must have erupted in applause when you walked in and Baba walking down the street of gold, with a smile and hug he must have asked ‘ah ah, Woman what are you doing here now?’

I love you forever and a day, Pwanedo Alson.

The One where our hearts broke…

Hey y’all!

How’s it been? 

If you know me, then you know how much I have loved and continue to love the sit com ‘FRIENDS’. 

I have watched every one of the 10 seasons and 236 episodes of friends that aired. From ‘The one where it all began’ to the last one also known as ‘The one where they all say goodbye’

I had the CDs, I had the DVDs and when I could, I downloaded all episodes and then I had a monthly subscription of HBO Max just so I can watch friends anytime I felt like. I honestly would go months without watching anything but friends on that app.

I know for sure I have watched every single episode at least 3 times. I'm pretty sure its way more than that as it has been my go to show for when i need a laugh, when I am bored, when I am in my feelings, whiling away time, or i just need the tv on. 

Yup, I love FRIENDS that much. I don’t think there’s an episode I did not love.

I love all the characters but my faves from the very get go have been Chandler and Pheobe. I absolutely love his character, his mannerisms, his facial expressions….njust everything about the character. Plus for some reason, he kinda reminds me of my uncle P. Maybe that is why I got drawn to his character. Who knows? What I know though is that Chandler Bing always made me laugh. I love Chandler Bing.

Now imagine my shock when I woke up on that fateful day to read that Matthew Perry had passed on.

I was pained. It hurt so much as though I knew him personally. The only other celebrity death that moved me to tears was that of Chadwick Boseman, I know, I know, let’s not even talk about that for now. 

Matthew Perry died not long after he wrote a book. In the book, Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir he talked about the years and years of struggle with drugs and also about the peace he found in sobriety. I have not read this book but I have read review and seen snippets of his book tour.  I feel sad that he died at a time he chose to open up about this with the intention of helping others who have the same struggle.

It is crazy seeing what drug addiction has done and is doing to people, and we all may know one or 2 persons struggling with addiction or even have them in our families, I pray they get the help they need before it is too late. Most importantly, I pray they want the help to make it right.

Indeed, if this were an episode of Friends, it would be titled ‘The One where our hearts broke’. 

xoxo

For my girl… and yours!

Every year since the year 2011, the world has celebrated the Girl Child and every year has had its unique theme.

Basically, this day was created to recognize girls’ rights and the unique challenges girls face around the world.  I will not go into the history of this and all and if you want to know, google is ya friend…😁

This year, the 11th of October was the day for the girl child and the theme was ‘Invest in the Girls’ rights: Our leadership, Our wellbeing.’ Straight to the point abi? So I do not need to say anything more about this. The theme says it all. 

What amazes me though is the fact that even now, there are people who do not think the girl child needs or deserves to the ‘invested’ in. It is funny because when I look around me, I see the girl child doing great things, I see girls breaking all kinds of records, I see girls achieving so much, I see girls making their parents proud in every aspect of life. 

I do not understand it as everyday when I look at  my child, I am always in awe! 

My girl.The past week, I got emotional whenever I looked at her; thinking about how she was about to turn one already. 

I know right? No be yesterday I born am?

*wipes lone tear*

See ehn, one thing this momma knows for sure is that I am going to invest in her rights, in her well-being and in everything that concern her and I know I have to start this investment now. I have to start sowing seeds in her life, I have to start calling forth things that are not as though they were. I know I have to ‘speak’ the kind of life I want her to have in future. 

My first choice of investment in her life is prayer. 

My Pwavira… my little feisty munchkin with the sloppiest kisses, as your mother, I bless you! 

As your mother, I speak grace, grace, grace, grace upon your life.

As your mother, I pray the fruits of the Spirit grow and manifest in you. 

I speak the blessings of a mother over you.

My girl. 

My gift from God, the favored of God… amen to your aunt TBK prayer; you will surely run, overtake and win always!

I stand upon The Word as I declare no weapon fashioned against you shall prosper; the Lord shall contend with anyone who contends with you… 

Pwavira, you will excel in all you do. You will reach the peak of any mountain you choose to climb.

Your name will be heard and you will be known in your generation for greatness. 

You will be humble even as you excel, you will know empathy, you will love and I pray you be loved the way you want to be loved and the way you deserve to be loved.

May laughter never cease in your life… 

May your beauty within surpass your physical beauty.

Mamah, as you turn one today, I do not have the words to express my gratitude to God for these 365 days shared with you. I have felt all kinds of emotions, I have discovered emotions I did not know existed… 

All I can say for now is Usoko Homumpwa!

And to every ‘girl child’ in my life, I pray same for you. I look forward to seeing you all grow and become the bests and greatests in your generations.  My Keeks, my Ro, Zee & Mimi, Jayda & Tehila, Ace, Isabel, Eneyi, Kidada, Lentapwa, Sophia, Kamila, Zara, Carla &Casey, Mitchel & Maya, Pearl, Ruby, Zoe, Aafreen & Salma, Lolu, Beulah, Tabitha, Vira & Pwamoreino, Finyi, Yasmin & Nadine, Abby, Kayla, Jayda, Cordelia, Khadija, Jahzeerah & Jacqlin, Jaleesah, Petra & Epiphany, Sheila & Janelle, Michelle, Latisha & Tehila, Aurelia, Aisha & Sa’adatu, Kiiva & Talia, Diane, Ellen and my brand new babies, Esther and Elizabeth… 

I pray your worth is seen, I pray for the grace and strength and provision for us parents to invest in your lives, I really can’t wait to see who you all grow up to become, I however know that you will make us proud, I know you will break and shatter whatever glass ceiling you choose to aim. Stay loved, babies!

To our dear angel baby, Kasinma, you were dearly loved.  You are still loved and sorely missed. 🕊

Today, I celebrate mine and every amazing little girl in our worlds.

xoxo

Ps: Inzei and Lu, you too… 😁

So this is how they ‘use’ to do true true?

People of God! Let me gist you about the first time I got invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. 

You’re wondering why this is worth writing about abi? Well, it is because it is one of those birthday parties that I have been hearing about where you attend and you pay for what you eat! 

Ehen, now you see why it is something to write about abi? Especially for someone who the Naija is still very very strong in. The way I know it is you get invited, you dress up on the day of and go, you chop plenty food and come back home very happy… so as not to feel bad that you’ve chop awoof, you buy gift. Abi that’s the point of buying ‘present’, no?

Anyways, though I had initially planned not to stay for the dinner party as I did not have a babysitter, but had to ‘show face’, the plan was to go there, sit and make small talk for about 10 mins, drop the celebrant’s birthday gift, apologize and leave. But as I was sitting and waiting for my 10 mins oh… just because I am polite na… that is how the server came to ask how the payment was going to be.

Now, tell me why this server decided to stand in my very before to ask ‘are you paying individually or as a group?’ I was trying to unlook and brother man was looking straight at me. 

In my head I was thinking ‘Oga, did they send you to me?

Did you see me eat anything?

Can’t you see I am trying to unlook?

Honestly, it felt very very uncomfortable especially as I wasn’t even sure what their plan was as it was a surprise birthday dinner for the celebrant. So there I was sitting uncomfortably not sure what the plan even was! 

Anyways, someone eventually answered and said ‘we’ll pay individually’ and the Naija in me sha thought ‘ah! So this is how you people use to do true true true’ so what if I had come in my true Naija ‘come chop’ mode without money to pay? That’s how I would have been drinking water and eating the free bread rolls,  smiling and nodding? Abi I would have rolled sleeves and washed plates after the parry?

Is it good? 

Ko da now! 

See this cultural differences? Though not all of them are shocking they will always be a thing. Some still amaze me and I just shrug at some and I don’t give some second thoughts anymore. But one thing I know for sure is that I am and will still be a Naija girl and a strong arewa one always. I just have to get used to how they do things here. But please, I like free food, lets be guided!

Till next time…

xoxo

Life As Vira… The Real Vira.

So I hear my momma has been telling you all about Life as Vira. 

Vira as in….me?!

I wonder what she has been saying considering the fact that I just made it to this side of life…

Can I sue her for this? For impersonation or something?

Well, while I think about that, please allow me respectfully send warm greetings to you all and to tell you a wee bit about me… the real Vira.

* bobs head to the real Vira Slim Shady*

* As we all know, my name is Vira, short for Pwavira; a name my momma had decided to give to me long before she met me… and I’ve heard her say as the years went by and with so much that had happened, my name holds an even more special meaning to her. Pwavira means “God has given you to me”. Maybe someday she will tell you all about it but as it is not my story to tell, I shall be moving on.

* I was born on the 29th of October, I weighed 3kg and was 19 inches tall, and I am a lot bigger and taller now. 😁

* My mama says I am a miracle, a testimony and an answer to not just her prayers, but the prayers of my aunties, mommas, grandmas, friends and well wishers. Someday, I will ask her what she means and I will come tell you about it… after all, I am the real Vira and this is about me.

* bobbing head to The real Slim Shady*  You know, cz the real Vira is standing up… 

I’m sorry

I digress. 

* My mama says I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God… what a wawuuu! I must really be special! She said I am for signs and wonders and a blessing from the Lord which maketh rich and adds no sorrow… good stuff, good stuff to hear, I tell you! 

* Wait, you all know I am cute, right? 

   Right?  😁

* My mama also said God has great thoughts concerning me, thoughts of peace and not evil. She says I am a precious jewel in God’s hands… how amazing this sounds!

* I am mostly a good baby, I do not stress her much but I tend to keep her up at night and I know she loves a good sleep; I do this for fun, just because I can.

* When I sneeze, I sneeze biiiiig! Rarely once but 3 or 4 times at a go. Maybe this means I have some super powers 🤔… we shall be looking into this in the future. 

* I have a head full of hair; my mama said she prayed about this and I am glad God answered her prayer cuz if you know my mama’s hair situation, you’d be thanking God for me also …. Need I say more?  

* My ears are not pierced yet because it is not allowed here till I am 3 months old.. I don’t get why, but i hope that is enough time for the parents to save and get me some good ice… diamonds, that is. 😜

* I fart glitters

* My mama is obsessed with me. I catch her starring at me all the time and I just chill and maintain beauty while I think of how to use this obsession to my advantage. 

* I already know I am loved and I know my mama has the best set of friends and family who love me. Now I need to think of how to get them wrapped around my tiny little fingers…

* My mama says I look like her, my godmother, Chops says I look like her, my aunties all say I look like them… i guess I will decide to look like the highest bidder at some point. 

* I was welcomed into the family of the Most High by being dedicated to God in church. It was a beautiful ceremony and looked like fun for the adults as they ended the ceremony with a lot of food and drinks, which i think is unfair as I, the guest of honor was not offered anything to eat. No fair! 😠

Errrm… what more should I spill about me? 

*Oh yeah, have i said I keep my mama up at night… just cuz I can? 😁

* I do not cry during bath time. Yeah, I know I am cool like that. 😎

* I do not like it when my hair is washed or combed…. Largely cuz I do not trust my mama with my hair. not with dem edges i see on her. 😏

Well, I guess this is it about me for now, I will update you when there is more to tell. 

I have also been thinking about it and since it appears you seem to enjoy my mama’s gists, musings and occasional amebo, I will graciously allow her continue to use my name on the blog… for now:

which means my lawyers will not be contacting her lawyers…. for now. 

Thank you all for reading about me and also, allow me to thank everyone for the hearty welcome to the world. It has been amazing and full of love since I got here and I cannot wait to meet you all.

I wish you all a very very happy new year; may all your dreams, wishes and prayers for the new year come true. 

I love you.

XOXO

Pwavira.

The real Vira.

PS.

Thank you for indulging my crazy mama by reading along as though I wrote this, I am sure it means a lot to her but let’s not encourage such behavior in the future, please.

PSS.. 

I am officially handing over the rights to use my name to her before I decide if to call my lawyers.

Wetin I go find for Sokoto… My Visit To New York City.

Hey peoples!

You’re probably wondering what I am on about today again abi?

Well, if you are familiar with this saying, you already know how it ends…

‘Wetin I go find for Sokoto dey for my sokoto’….

So I visited the Big Apple.

With a mission.

I was prepared for this trip, I planned for weeks, I was super excited to get there and be a New Yorker and all of that. But my main reason for going to New York City was something I so much looked forward to, I could not wait. I even bought a selfie stick so I do not miss a moment of it. 

You’re wondering what it is, right?

Well, I was given the opportunity to choose where I wanted to spend Christmas and I chose NYC, because, well… it is New York City #duh, secondly, I really wanted to see/feel/experience snow. Yes, this Naija girl had not seen snow before so I thought, why not and where best?

That is how local girl was flown to New York City. 

Hmmmm the cold that grabbed me the minute we landed, I endured because I am in New York City na and I will see snow, abi? And the colder it gets, the more chances that it will snow, abi? Also, the thought of snapping photos in the snow, doing the whole snow angel ish fueled me. 

This was going to be me in all the plenty snow I was looking forward to.

I was prepared, the weather app was my best friend, it forecasted snow from the day after my arrival, all was good with me, I could not wait. 

My brothers and sisters, dudes and dudettes, ladies and gentlemen, that is how I spent 7 good days in New York, one tiny flake of snow like this, my eyes did not see. My fingers and toes, I could barely feel because the cold, the cold, the cold!!!!  *wipes lone tear*

That is how vacation was over, I carried myself back to my small town and a few days later, guess what? It snowed!

Yup, it snowed here, where I was told it had not snowed in about 4 years… ehn, it was not much, it was like two Naira snow that basically melted before it touched the ground but it did snow! 

Ah, come and see how local girl ran out to enjoy the snow… I did not care if anyone was looking at me, I made sure I enjoyed the moment. I was happy, I saw it, I felt it, I let it fall in my mouth… I was a happy somebody y’all!

This was me… with way less snow. 😒

Well, well, apart from the snow disappointment (which was major) the visit was cool, I visited really cool places and I had fun. As a true fan of the tv show Friends, I had to go to Central Park… it is huge but I did not stay long as it was super cold.  I visited Madam Tussaud (where I had a nice conversation with Thor and he told me I was worthy of Mjolnir, I may or may not be lying about this). I also visited the famous Times Square, Rockefeller center, China town, Broadway, Radio music hall, Fifth avenue and Carlos Barkery!

There were other places I wanted to visit but at some point, going out felt like punishment as the temperature was in the minuses so I advised myself accordingly. It was a fun visit altogether though I was snow heartbroken.  

Now, would I want to go back anytime soon? Hmmm no, I do not think so. Why, you ask? That city is basically a bigger Lagos with better light and nicer cars and taller buildings (ok, ok, maybe a whole lot nicer than Lagos but you get the point)  There was always crazy traffic, trash on the road sides, people everywhere, roadside food vendors, cars honking, cab guys driving like mad folk and cussing at each other… kilode?!  And I was even in Manhattan which is supposed to be the Lekki of NYC. Nah, I like my sanity please, plus the city did not keep to its promise of snow (yes, it is still paining me).

So… that is it about my visit to NYC, I will be back with gist of my visit to Las Vegas *does the sign of the cross*

XOXO 

Xtra! Xtra!!

 Read all about it! 

Holla peoples! It’s been ages, right? I do not know what happened to me but these past months, it feels like my fingers just refused to cooperate with the keypad even though I’ve been gisting y’all in my head.

As always, I say a big thank you to all those who checked on me and kept visiting the blog even when I do not put anything up.

So… this post really doesn’t have a bearing, I just want to gist you general gist about this place that I live and all the kinds of things my eyes have seen in this Biden’s America. I’ll tell y’all  what has stood out, surprised or vexed me in the past year I’ve been here.

You ready? Ok, let’s gist…

In case you are still wondering, yes, na okra… (i know, i know, it’s okro we knoweth) on a drink. And to this day!

To this very day, I’m still wondering what it is doing on a cup, then how in the world do you go about it? Take a sip of the drink, chop small kubewa, another sip, eat a shrimp? I don’t know and we did not bother to find out as no one touched that drink. The drink is called a Bloody Mary, in case you see it on a drink menu, you can like to skip it… you’re welcome.

I found out there are no public transportation in this town! Yes, it is a small town but not that small. Even small keke they don’t have. I keep wondering how people without cars manage, though I see some walking around and i really wonder how they manage it all together. This is a town with a population of 37,000 people! You get my concern now, right? Maybe i should buy small keke or start doing ‘along’ self.

Moving along, the road rules here include the fact that one can make a right turn even if the light is red. Just be sure it’s safe to do so. A person must change their ‘vehicle registration plate’ aka number plate and their driver’s license within 60 days of moving to a new state. Oh, people who ride motorbikes have same rights to the roads, so you’ll never see a bike by the side of any car waiting, they will take up space on the lane and be feeling cool…. 

Just like this uncle that just stood in my very before…

I’m not sure why I’m beefing sef. 🙈 

Ah, the summer here ehn, the summer is bloody! It be summering like say na fight.

 At some point, it was as hot as Yola with 37 degrees! Yeah, you read that right. It was crazy but it’s getting so much better now.

Oh, have I mentioned that they love their okra? After the okra in the drink, I got some in my salad and I can’t stop  wondering why? Why? Why?

 

Well, for me, if it ain’t in a soup, I don’t want it. Kalas!

Then I saw these in Walmart… 

I’m still wondering why…

Moving on… again…

This town is known for their mini meat pies; which are really nice but the thing that stands out for me is that the pies are served with some kind of dipping sauce. I’ve never tried the sauce cuz my Naija self knows that it is juice or minerals we drink when we eat meat pie. Abi?

Oh, another thing… there are a lot of elderly people who go shopping all by themselves and i always feel bad when i see them trying to get stuff off the shelves… the home training in me makes me stop to help them every now and then but I can’t stop wondering why they have to come all by themselves and no one really bothers to help them. 

I’ve also noticed some crosses and flowers by some road sides when we travel and I figured there might have been fatal accidents there and the loved ones choose to do that in honor of their loved ones. So I made a note to count how many of such I’d see on an hour journey to the neihbouring  town and I saw 3… yup, 3 (I sigh in Benin -Ore road or is it Yola - Gombe road?) those places would have been filled with flowers and crosses that there won’t be any ‘roads’ left to pass. 

Now, while that might not be all there have been, I believe they are few because the roads are good. No potholes, no unknown objects flying in the air and all that. 

Lastly but definitely not the least, NEPA has taken light just 3 times in the past 18 months since I’ve been here. Twice was because of a storm and the 3rd time, a transformer went booom! And all three times, power was restored in less that 2 hours!

I have had the opportunity to travel to some big and other smaller cities and I will tell you what I think about them, for now, these are some of the things about my small town. 

So like the terminator, I’ll be back! 

With gists…

XoXo

 

Maybe ''We Should All Be...”

Imagine your sister didn’t get a promotion just because “na woman na”?

Imagine you found out a female you love and care about didn’t get an opportunity to to go school because, yes… she’s female.

Imagine your best friend, sister, wife, girlfriend or mother earned less than her male colleagues just because… Yeah, you get.. she’s a woman.

Imagine your favorite aunt not getting the ticket to contest for a political position you know she is fit for just because the 35% graciously reserved for women in politics has been met?

Imagine your sister is denied any form of inheritance just because…. She is a she. 

You see where I’m going with this? 

Again, imagine what could have made that man somewhere in the North comfortable enough to come out and contest for the position of ‘woman leader’?

Imagine these and many more.

Now if your felt bad or wan kind imaging any of the above happening to your sister, mother, wife, girlfriend, best friend, auntie, neighbor’s sister or any female in your life, then MAYBE WE SHOUD ALL BE FEMINISTS…

Wait, 

wait, don’t run please.

Hear me out. 

I strongly believe that there are individuals who do not truly understand what feminism is about. 

Somehow, my people (read Nigerians) believe that feminism is a man hating agenda. 

                                                

I think the one they are looking for is MISANDRY…which the Oxford dictionary defines as “dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men’’. Ehen… you see? It’s not me that talk it. 

So what really is feminism?

Same dictionary defines feminism to be  “the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality for all the sexes” simple put, Feminism is about all genders having equal rights and opportunities. It is about respecting diverse women’s experiences, identities, knowledge and strengths and striving to empower all women to realize their full rights… 

How can anyone be mad at this, please?

I know this is not an easy conversation to have, especially with errrm…. our men (lol) and I have tried to avoid writing on this for so long (side eyeing ’Steeeee) but then I came across this very very very stupid question and then the very very very cool answer by oluchukwu_N

What I do not understand is why my desire to be better in life, to earn more, to have a place on the table is seen as me hating men? I believe it is me loving myself enough and wanting what I want for me. 

Why is it frowned at when women want to get equal social, political, educational rights?

Would having these stop me from being able to cook and be a good wife, mother, sister or child? 
Why should a woman always have to prove her worth despite having same qualifications as her male counterparts?
Why should I be paid less for doing the same job as a man just because I am female? (they don’t want us to chill with the big boys, abi?)
Why should I be denied the right to make decisions for myself, my future just because I am female?
Why should every bad driver be ''na woman na, no wonder" as if having a…..errrrm you know…is a major requirement for changing gears.

                                                        

If standing for my self and other women makes me a feminist, then I shall wear my badge with pride!
And all this doesnt mean I would disrespect the males in my life but I will always stand up for what I believe in and for what is right for me.
Please respect me in all my femaleness...

So please, stop depicting doom on feminists and feminism and see it for what it is;  the struggle that will help your wives, daughters, sisters to reach their full potential in whatever sphere they choose to shine in life…

Last last, like Chimamanda said, “I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness and my femininity. And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness because I deserve to be.”

So, I will conclude by saying now that you know Feminism is about making the woman better, getting a woman to be seen and heard and allowed to soar, then i think maybe we should really all be feminists... because who doesn’t want their own to soar and shine bright like the diamond she truly is? 

Selah! 

EVER BEEN SERVED?

 

It was Valentine’s day just a few days ago and I was a happy somebody. 

Happy because I am a sucker for love, I love love…So much so that I have appointed myself the president of the Awwww Association. 

Which meant on Val’s day, I was on duty, busy roaming the streets of the ‘gram, surfing my contacts’ WhatsApp status’ and I even found my way to the bird app in search for awww moments for which I awww-ed  and awwwww-ed and smiled and was happy for the Val-ed. 

But you know how this life is now, I also came across some servings of breakfast (if you don’t gerrit, forget abourrit) Some were hot and some were cold, coooold, which made me quite unhappy but I am hopeful for all those who were served; hopefully by next year, I will awwwwn with them (if you’re on this table, say amen!) as heartbreak isn’t cool at all and I’m sure we  you all know a thing or two about this. (Wanna share?).

Back to love… love is a beautiful thing and good relationships are amazing and break-ups? They suck, which ever way they are served suck! 

But I want to talk about a different kind of break-up today.

I want to talk about friendship break-ups. 

Do like this ✋if you’ve been served this special kind of breakfast. 

I am doing like this ✋with my full chest as it has happened to me. 

Not once.

(Wipes lone tear)

Have you ever woken up one day and realize that, you have become strangers with your person? The one person whom you have shared laughs, secrets, cried together with, to and for? The one person who was your gist partner, who would go all FBI and gangster on any one who tried to mess with you, your gossip partner, the one whom you’ve shared so many meals with.

                                                       

Like I said earlier, it has happened to me…

Not once…

(Wipes lone tear…again)

…and it hurt. It hurt because I don’t make friends as easily as others, so I hold my friends dear; my girls know this. Now, if you make it to my holy of holies (HOH)…sigh! Imagine a senior member of the HOH ghosting and becoming a stranger… ko da now! 

I see all these quotes about how if you lose a friend, they were never your friend to begin with; I don’t agree because the good times were good, it was real and it was good and it was amazing and we had loads of fun; so I would rather believe that ‘some people are in your life for a time or purpose’ and when that is fulfilled, they move…you move (just like that 💃… see what i did there?)  

Some broken friendships are fixed, broken up friends make up and are able to work through whatever issues they had (psssst Omofeba),  some are back-ish but not where they used to be; some are just dead and gone and there is just no going back; which is also ok. So whatever level you are now, maybe accept it as it is, apologize if you are wrong, find out if maybe you did wrong and don’t even know it… that’s what I did; for closure: I guess.  And I am glad I did, I am happy where we are. I am happy with the friends I have now and it is what it is!

So do you, if you want, how you want…

xoxo

PS. If you are reading this, I want you to know that I’ll always be here if you need me.

PSS.. I know I am cool like that.

E tu… (You too?)

 

Hey peoples…

Y’all know how everyone’s father/mother was so brilliant and always took the first position in class?

That’s what comes to mind seeing/reading/hearing everyone come for bullies lately.

So we were all good, juniors loving, never punished, never wicked seniors back in school? 

Everyone is suddenly speaking out against bullies and bad guys; which is a good thing but I’m here wondering…

So who was the bad senior back then? Who was the wicked senior back then?

We’re now all saints abi? Who was the senior that sent an eleven year old me to fetch charcoal in an iron? Yes, hot red coal from the fire place, with whatever I could mange to.

Who was the senior that took us to green house to give us the punishment of our lives just because…?

I remember who it was, I remember them…

Or was it my own classmate back in JSS 1 hounding me and making fun of me for wearing glasses and calling me kashin kifi (fish bone) because I was a lanky 11 year old? She did this every time she saw me especially when we went to fetch water… mostly because I could not carry my own bucket and to her, i was just a glasses wearing ajebota from Lagos and so I deserved to be laughed at…

I remember her. 

I remember her name.

So I’m sure that other juniors remember you too if you ever bullied them… abi this one that happened to me wasn’t bullying?

So before we become all sanctimonious and call out others, take a moment to think about your own deeds… were you that senior? 

If there was social media in your time, would you have trended for being that Senior?

I know for sure I wouldn’t have been...

I pray for little Sylvester and I pray for his family. I hope those boys get caught and brought to book.

And if this post hit a nerve, I hope you are gracious enough to apologize to those whom you bullied and if you still are a bully, (because it doesn’t end in school) I hope you repent because it doesn’t do you or anyone any good; it only causes pain and sorrow and in this case, death.

Let’s do better, lets teach ours better. 

xo

My First Thanksgiving…

Hey peoples,

I told you about my first Halloween here right? Well, I think it is only fair to tell you about my first Thanksgiving day here as well..

So, it was Thanksgiving day on Thursday and I enjoyed every bit of it. Basically, Thanksgiving day is a national holiday in the US and it occurs on the 4th Thursday of November every year. It is an old tradition dating back to 1621; it is a day Americans gather for a day of feasting and well… giving thanks.

But ehn I was just looking all around and wondering how this is thanksgiving day… and not a single gele was in sight? 

Ha! I laugh in Family Worship Center Multicolored Geles of all shapes and sizes.

 

My brain found it difficult to process a thanksgiving day sans gele; so much so that I stood by the window looking at passers by, hoping I’d see one person all gele’ ed up because the Nigerian in me can’t understand how I’m not seeing fully decked up folk rushing to church… didn’t they say thanksgiving day? So its just sit at home and eat? Ok, I can do that also!  

But y’all know I can’t let you down right? So I put in some Naija thanksgiving day spice by dressing up in my lovely Ankara skirt and blouse designed by the one and only @lytanistitches (check her on the gram and thank me later) I looked Naija thanksgiving day ready and  carried on Thanksgiving the American way. It was a memorable day, Kids were excited to have a full turkey to feast on, I was super glad I didn’t have to cook but sit pretty to eat.

In the spirit of the day, I thank God for me and my family… this year has been crazy! 

I have been met with the worse and most painful loses. I have felt pain physically and emotionally, I’ve been humbled, my faith took a hit but I am here, I am healing, I am learning to take it a day at a time and my faith in God is totally restored. I am thankful for my walk with God. I am thankful for the me I am right now.

And I am especially thankful for you, for reading my musings and making me happy knowing that at least one person out there is reading what I write even though I am not consistent in dropping gist  life gems. Thank you and please keep clicking and reading and don’t get tired. 

Well, that’s it for thanksgiving and I am sooo looking forward to Christmas because ehn, this my little town is a town of shan’t gree for Christmas! Lights have been up since mid November and right now, people have put up all kinds of amazing, amazing Christmas decors that I just drive around and get my fix. I am soooo looking forward to the annual Christmas festival; which would be the 95th and kicks off on Saturday! Can you beat that? As its my first one here, the Christmas junkie in me can’t wait! You can check out #NatchitochesChristmas on the gram or twitter to see what I’m talking about, I promise, you’ll love it! It’s crazy awesome. 

I just know it is going to be amazing because the way they are going about it, one is tempted to think it is from here Mary went to Bethlehem to give birth to Jesus. 

So yes, I will be back… with #NatchitochesChristmas gist.

Hasta la vista

Tihihihi….did you see what I did there?

xo

My First Halloween

Hey peoples! As you all know, It was Halloween a couple of weeks ago.

I must say folk here sure do take their Halloween seriously! There were all kinds of spooky decor in the shops, people decorated their houses and cars. And to my Nigerian self, I would say it was errr…. interesting.

A neighbor 4 houses down actually had what I would say was the best Halloween decor in town. If there were awards for that, I’m sure he’d have taken it home. It was what it should be… ghosts, ghouls, huge spiders and the works. In fact, I have decided to just get an arrow,  point it to his house and ‘DITTO’ if he keeps the same energy for Christmas. 

Anyways, as the day drew closer, them kids started talking about costumes, I succumbed and asked what/who  they wanted to dress as… That’s how Kay said she wants to be a Cop and the Madam Em said she wants to be a Bat. 

Hian! 

All the Nigerian in me heard was SARS and winch. 

Ehn? 

In which house?

Please, please, is my Nigerian-ness a joke to these kids? 

Anyways, I said mba, no! Nobody is dressing as a bat in this house, we can manage the olopa but I am too Nigerian to agree to the bat costume. I quickly got the bat lady to repeat “I am not a bat in Jesus name” after me. I even considered giving her small anointing oil to drink and wash away such thoughts from her head after which I declared she was going to dress as an Angel.

I wouldn’t have it any other way and being the Angel she truly is, Em agreed (not that she had a choice) and she looked so lovely in her Angel costume on the day of…

The Nigerian Momma in me was pleased… 😊 

It was a complete costume set which came with a white dress, a halo, a wand and wings. 

Now while I’m not sure what Angels use wands for it looked nice and she was happy to have it… I was in my Momma win mode when  this child looked at me, pointed the wand at me and said “mommy I’m going to turn you into a frog”.

Egba mii oh! How did we get here? I knew I should have given her anointing oil to drink the other day. I really should have!

Me thinking of what to do to the child.

How did my Angel turn to a frog turning somebody?

Anyways, the look of bad eye she got from me was enough for her and her wand to quietly walk away from me.

The kids weren’t allowed to go ‘trick or treating’ as we are still cautious of the ‘rona and me I didn’t have power to go and do babiyanla  and no kids came to ours either, which means other people are also being cautious or our neighborhood is full of snubs…

Anyways, that’s it for my first Halloween, nothing much, just interesting…

Maybe next year I dress up…yes?

Oya suggest costumes for me. 

xoxo

To Smile Again…

Six months ago, my world stood still…

My heart; broken into a million pieces…

3rd of May 2021…

An Angel gained his wings…

God called My father home.

Yeah, my last post here was full of excitement and all, little did i know that 3 days later, my world as  I knew it would shake.

And it did shake!

Hmmmmmmm!!!! No words can ever describe how it feels so I’ll not talk about it.

Anyways, traditionally, today is the official end of the mourning period. 

Yes, my culture says ‘we move’ after 6 months… but how does one really ‘move on’ when there are days it hits soo hard and feels all fresh like I just got the news?

How does one move on when there are days that come with strong urges to hear his voice?

To hear him say ‘that’s my dautar!’ and literally hear the pride and love in his voice? 

I wish he was here for me to have a laugh with and laugh at when he’d text ‘SOS, some recharge card please if you can’. I thank God that I was always able to can.

I am glad I did all in my power to make my father happy and proud but i wish he lived longer for me to do more… I had plans to do so much more.

Through all this though, I thank God for the life he lived, for the lessons i learnt from him.

I am glad I am his dautar. I would not change anything or edit a day even if I could.

My father was the MVP of fathers. 

My father was good, he really was and I’m not even saying this because he was my father. 

He really was a good person.

He showed me how to love.

He thought me bwaraune.

He thought me contentment.

Through him, I understood patience.

He was wise.

He never raised his voice even when he was angry.

He corrected in love.

He loved him a good plate of fish peppersoup and if people were awarded for eating tuwo, we’d have dozens of awards hanging in the house.

My father was very peaceful.

He was the one who would give water to the thirsty, feed the hungry and give the shirt on his back to a stranger; and when we complained that he was doing too much, he’d say ‘my friend, don’t worry, God will provide’ and God provided. 

Always!

So somehow through the hurt, the denial, the anger, the grieve, through the rough days wondering when it will get better, we have and I pray we continue to find ways and reasons to smile again because that is what he would want for us… 

Keep smiling,  James Habba Alson, the Angel who gained his wings though our hearts were not ready.

You are sorely missed, Baba.

❤

It Is My Birthday!!!

Holla People!

It is my birthday! 

I am officially a forty year old!

Hey God! 

Where did the time go? How am I forty? Omofeba, come and see oh!

Dear ‘81 Gang members, so we are really 40?

Yekpa!

Well... it is what it is and boi, am I glad... I haven’t really been excited about a birthday in a while but for this one, the big 4.0, I am super excited! I have a lot to be thankful to God for... 

I really do.

See ehn, truer words haven’t been spoken since the person that said ‘life begins at 40’ said so. S/he definitely was talking about me because ehn, I can’t even begin to explain how much life has changed in a month. So much has happened, changed, come to be, been given, taken.....in a short time, I am in awe... so much so that I would sometimes ask myself ‘is me be this?’.

So, so, if you don’t know this yet, I will soon be an IJGB. What I am saying pe is that I have left Buhari’s Naija and I now live in Biden’s ‘merica. It has been great but the JJC in me is even greater, I tell ya and with JJC as strong as mine, you know that means I already have plenty gist for y’all right?

Ehen, back to my birthday gist...No gist oh! I am just overwhelmed with God’s love and kindness and grace and mercy and the gift of life and... you get the gist na! And I have also come to the realization that gravity is not my friend... and I have officially come to the age where I can’t care; I cannot come and kill myself, biko. 

So everyone, please join me in resting my youthful years to rest as I gallantly step up to ‘Elder’ status. So, pray for me, not just today, but anytime I come to mind.

Raise a cup of whatever you drink for me.

Finally, let me be the first to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE 40 GANG, ONE OF THE WORLD’S FABULOUS AND MOST GORGEOUS INDIVIDUALS - ME!!! 

xoxo

Naija Mom Fail?

Did you ever think of the day that you would have a child and ‘payback’ some of the stuff our mothers did to us?

Yes? Correct person!

No? So I am the only weird one?

Me sha, I always looked forward to the day I will tell my child ‘come and put it in my nose’ or ‘come and put it on my head’. Hmmmm my people, me that I have been priding myself as a correct Naija momma, especially since the day my kids  madams happily waited for ice cream only to find kpomo in the ice cream bowl. 

Oh my! That’s was a very happy day for me, the day I earned major points as a Naija mother. I wish I had a candid photo to show the level of disappointment on their faces when they opened the bowl to get ‘ice cream’. 

Tihihihi... but I got a picture of the ‘ice cream’ or should I call it ponm-cream?

😁

They are even lucky that it was something edible in the bowl, unlike when we had thread and needle and a complete sewing kit in Danish biscuit tins or even full on egusi soup with better palm oil staring at you when you open ‘fan ice’ container...

Are you then wondering why I titled this post ‘...fail’ if I had already gotten points? 

Toh,  I will gist you. 

So, there I was, basking in the euphoria of earning Naija momma points with my ice cream bowl of ponmo and this child of mine came to ask where to keep her plate and I said ‘keep it on my head’. 

My people, my people that is how she actually, I mean this child actually took 2 steps towards me!

Then she stoped and said ‘huh?’

....ah! I thought to myself that the ancestors must have seen what was about to happen and whispered the gospel to her at that very crucial moment in her life. 

Because ehn...?!!

And she actually looked confused when I said ‘Dear child, thank thine ancestors for the save, please.’ 

You see how I almost lost points? Not just momma points oh, Naija momma points! Kai, it pained me! Now I have to go to my arsenal and pull out all the Naija mom-ness-ability I can pull out and go full on Naija Mama on ‘em kids! 

But I have to stop falling my own hands like I did today... that’s how I was shouting 

‘who wants chips?

‘I said who wants chips?’

‘Can’t you guys hear me?’

‘I will change my mind oh’ 

And I was thinking shooo? How can I be trying to feed them and they are just staring at me like this, not saying anything?

Next thing I heard, as I had turned to bless them with the look was ‘Oh, I think she means French fries...right mommy?’

Mogbe! I have do myself... that’s how I just jejely said ‘ehn, French fries, that’s chips na!’ 

I shall be taking my L on this one sha as I think of ways to put small Naija-ness in ‘em kids.

Please share with me any of the stunts I can pull oh! I must recover my almost lost points. 

I refuse to carry a badge of Naija Momma fail, lai lai, it can’t happen!

Pray with me!

xoxo

 

It's MM's Fortieth!

 

Y'all remember my promise to write something on each of the 81 Gang members' 40th birthdays right?

Well, well, well, it is my MMs 40th today and I kaint keep calm about it!

If you know me, then you have an idea how much MM means to me. 

She is my go to guy. 

My friend friend. 

Honorable member of my innermost caucus

Chairlady of my holy of holies.

When she hurts, I hurt.

When she cries, I cry.

When she laughs, I laugh.

When she's happy, I am happy

If she's sad, I ask who I need to jump... 

You get the gist...?

In fact, legend has it that when she was in labor to birth her little human, she was shouting my name. I do not understand why oh, but yeah, we tight like that!  

Have I mentioned that I am her daughter, Zee's self appointed god mother? Well it is only a befitting position for me as it was my name being screamed when she was coming into the world.  

So I met Mairo 13 years ago when we were new buckets at work; everyone kept to themselves most of the time but I had noticed her during inauguration (as i was looking for potential friends na) though for some reason, I thought she was pompous so we couldn't  be friends.

Yes oh, just like that, I had tried and judged her in my head (world people behavior, I know).

Then we got posted to the same department and we kindda became friends... but the moment I knew for sure I wanted to be real friends with her was when I realized she may be an asset to me... you see, my dear MM has a pure silver tooth from Mecca, when she smiles, you cant help but notice how radiant she is... anyways, that's how I thought e go good to remove this tooth and sell someday if we get broke and so I finally let her become my friend because you know, asset! 

Sense will not kill me. lol 

Dear Hajia Mairo (with emphasis to the Hajia cz you know, silver tooth) I am glad you are my friend.

I am blessed to have you in my corner always.

Thank you for praying for me. 

Thank you for praying with me.

Thank you for sharing Zee with me. 

Thank you for the laughs.

Thank you for being my MM. 

And so, as you turn the big 40 today, I wish you the best of the best that life has to offer.

I pray for you today, my friend, my sister, may this special day bestow you with more love and joy than you ever imagine because you deserve the best in life. 

Happy Birthday, Mairo, I love you wujiga-wujiga!

So to the rest of the 81 gang, I say go, go, go, go, go, go, go who's next?!