Wednesday, 29 July 2015

For the Yang to my Grey....

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On this day, many many many many many many many  years ago, an ajebota was born in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. She was called Maryam. News of the birth brought joy to Garkuwa, in Hadejia; Jigawa state. Her cheeks were like oyibo puff puff. She was such a cute little thang.....

Then she grew up.

And became my PERSON, my bestie...(You see, she did shishigi to gain that spot in my life.... but that is story for another day.)   

Oh, then she moved to Lagos and became an agbero *wipes lone tear*
In case you are wondering, her cheeks are now like regular puff puff.

Today, I wish my person God's love always.

I pray that your days be long
I pray you find happiness, true happiness
May you sneeze glitter 
May you farts smell like cinnamon 
May you find peace in all you do
May you never cease to laugh at yourself when you have to
May you find your forever love soon

I'll break every rule for you today. For you, I twerk.

Happy Birthday to my Bestie of life
Ore mi atata
Ore mi toh bahd
Abgero toh sure
Yoghurt maker toh quality

I know that He who began a good work in your life is faithful to complete it.
Have yourself a very very very very special day filled with everything your heart desires and may all your birthday wishes come true.

You are the Yang to my Grey
I love you wujiga wujiga
I love you to the moon and back
I love you yesterday, today and tomorrow


I cant stop twerking...
That's my friend, 
thats my bestfriend...
You berra
Cz she's my bestfriend 
*twerk twerk twerk*

Wednesday, 22 July 2015


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Somebody shoot me now!
How can a person be so lousy?
haba? Kilode?

I am jejely sitting in my office and this man comes in. Next thing, noise.
Plenty noise.

In comes the politics wahala... (rolling my eyes)

I do not care about PDP/APC. Please go away!


*pulls hair*

Did he just shut the windows?! See me oh. Who send this one?

Why is my boss being nice to him biko?


Image result for angry emoji
I have never really liked this guy (don't judge me) and I am really, really not in a jolly mood right now. 

Hold on, I am going to open the window without  a word. (I am bad arse like that.)

I am back. 

He is still making noise. There is nothing I can do about it so....Let me continue gossiping surfing the web my thing.

How are you? Yes you... Good? No annoying colleagues? Lucky you.

Go on, have yourself a jolly good day.


Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Dear Random Person....

Random person: Where are you from? (I have even heard "are you from where?")
Me: Adamawa
Random person:   Ah, you are Atiku's sister.
Me: *straight face*

Random person: Where are you from?
Me: Adamawa State
Random person: Ah, I hope Boko Haram has not reached your people?
Me: *fake smile* No, they have not, we are fine.

Me: ..........(says something about church or bible)
Random person: Haáhn, are you Christian?
Me: Yes
Random Person: But you are Hawusa now......
Me: Arrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!

        Dear Random person,  Yes, I am from the North and shocking as this may sound to you, I am Bachama from Lamurde LGA and not "Hawusa". My ''brother'' Atiku is Fulani from Jada LGA. You see, there are over 80 ethnic groups in the 21 local government areas of Adamawa state.  Yes; there are. And each has its distinct historical and cultural heritage.

There are two major religions in my state. Christianity and Islam. You see why there really is no point being oh, so surprised that your Northern Hawusa 'friend' is a baptized, 'kabashing', spirit filled Christian?

Let me tell you more about my state....

Do you know that ''the state generally is characterized by many rivers with River Benue as the major one whose source is from the highlands of the Cameroon and flows southwards to join the River Niger?''......Errrr, keep that quote aside biko, the river flows through Numan town and you can clearly see where it meets our local river but they don't mix. Really amazing. You should come see.

Adamawa is home to 3 Universities (Federal, State and Private), 2 polytechnics (Federal and State), a Nursing school, a minor seminary, a school of legal studies, a Federal Government Girls' College, a Zoo, an international airport, Banks and more.

You do know that Yola is the state capital of Adamawa right?

Moving on.... 

Adamawa is also home to Sukur Hill, a UNESCO accredited world heritage site (I have never been there), it is also home to The Three Sisters Rock in Song LGA (never been there) The Koma Hills (never been there either), Gumpti park (you know na), Gorobi Rock ( I should visit one of these places soon) and lots more.

Yes, I am sad that all you see are sad photos from the boko haram menace. Just type 'Adamawa' on any search engine and you will be flooded with these gory photos. This is what my Adamawa is known for now. Really sad.

I want the Adamawa I used to be eager to visit for Christmas vacation. I remember how by the 18th of December my siblings and I would begin to arrange our boxes and if by the 22nd the oga at the top (aka Daddy) hasn't said anything concerning our journey, we'd begin to move our bags to the corridors.....And he begins to get the message.

It was always great going to Adamawa back then. So imagine my pain when on my last trip home,  about 3 persons asked ''why are you going where everyone is running from?''  I just smiled and said because it is home. That smile was genuine. Genuine and sad. Truly said.

Adamawa, the land of beauty, I still prefer to call it the Sunshine state.....
When did we get here? Where is the beauty?

I pray for Adamawa, my Adamawa. I pray we find the beauty once more. 
I pray we find the sunshine once more.
I pray we find peace. 

Peace to the North East.....

Wednesday, 8 July 2015

Epp me...

My people, I am tired. And sleepy.
Yes, I am at work and it is such a slow day, I feel like screaming.

I can not even rest my head on the table for a minute because I am afraid of being photographed by my colleagues.

This post is very important because there is a lesson to be learnt from it. You see, it is not good to do bad bad things. I know this first hand. Are you wondering what I am on about? Ok, I'll let you in. The thing is this, I often photograph my colleagues sleeping in the office and I blackmail them with said pictures. 

I may have said things like "be my bitch for the day or I print the picture......or I show others" Or maybe, just maybe get the victim to buy me a drink to give me the required 'strength' to delete the photos. Do not judge me.
So I am sure they cannot wait for the day they will 'catch' me. I feel so sorry for myself because I feel the day has come upon us! *wipes lone tear*. I cant help it.

Can you see my predicament? Do you feel my pain? *now I am crying*
Well, the moral of this story is this....*in Chi gurl's voice* Don't do bad bad things... Do not take photos of your colleagues dozing on days like this and most importantly, do not blackmail them.

I hope you have learnt a lesson from me today. 

Now, should I try to walk off the sleep or sneak in 5 minutes sleep and pray hard no one notices?
Or take this kind lady's advise

I need help.
Please, epp me!


Friday, 3 July 2015

Best advice ever!

This is definitely something the Bestie would say.

What would be your advice if your friend sent this to you?

I'm still laughing at the response. Who knows Uju? I want to be her friend!

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

Do not keep calm....

Whoop, whoop!
Waiyo, zamu sha giya yau!

*Wipes lone tear*You know seeing the young'uns grow make us (the elders) all mushy.
 Yes, I am exactly 62 days older than her and it is not beans! *straight face*

Alisabatu, my dear friend out of whom I "bring out the worse"....Her words exactly, now please how do you bring out what is not there biko? My fren, do not blame me but begin to ask yourself why you have "worse" inside of you and thank me for helping you bring it all out. 
I made this special cake for you hunny!
We became fast friends somehow and I love every bit of our friendship.....especially when you spoil me *rubs tummy* 
We've had good times, we already have our inside jokes *winks* and we are creating memories already.

I love when you scold me any time I deserve it. (When I don't, I dey do you kpasko!)
I love when you call me for gulma. May God forgive you. 
I especially love when you pray with me and for me.

Have I said I love you?

I love that you can smile through the storm and even encourage others.
Keep being strong; we will definitely make it to the graduations without walking sticks. kin gane ai.

I pray for you my friend. 
I pray the Lord strengthens you.
I pray that rainbows follow your clouds.
I pray that you find comfort on difficult days.

May your farts smell like mint.
May your smile never fade.
May your eyes always behold beauty.
May your story be crowned with love and success. 

Happy birthday sweetie!

PS: Where are we gonna boogie today?

PSS: I don polish my dancing shoes.