Naija Mom Fail?

Did you ever think of the day that you would have a child and ‘payback’ some of the stuff our mothers did to us?

Yes? Correct person!

No? So I am the only weird one?

Me sha, I always looked forward to the day I will tell my child ‘come and put it in my nose’ or ‘come and put it on my head’. Hmmmm my people, me that I have been priding myself as a correct Naija momma, especially since the day my kids  madams happily waited for ice cream only to find kpomo in the ice cream bowl. 

Oh my! That’s was a very happy day for me, the day I earned major points as a Naija mother. I wish I had a candid photo to show the level of disappointment on their faces when they opened the bowl to get ‘ice cream’. 

Tihihihi... but I got a picture of the ‘ice cream’ or should I call it ponm-cream?

😁

They are even lucky that it was something edible in the bowl, unlike when we had thread and needle and a complete sewing kit in Danish biscuit tins or even full on egusi soup with better palm oil staring at you when you open ‘fan ice’ container...

Are you then wondering why I titled this post ‘...fail’ if I had already gotten points? 

Toh,  I will gist you. 

So, there I was, basking in the euphoria of earning Naija momma points with my ice cream bowl of ponmo and this child of mine came to ask where to keep her plate and I said ‘keep it on my head’. 

My people, my people that is how she actually, I mean this child actually took 2 steps towards me!

Then she stoped and said ‘huh?’

....ah! I thought to myself that the ancestors must have seen what was about to happen and whispered the gospel to her at that very crucial moment in her life. 

Because ehn...?!!

And she actually looked confused when I said ‘Dear child, thank thine ancestors for the save, please.’ 

You see how I almost lost points? Not just momma points oh, Naija momma points! Kai, it pained me! Now I have to go to my arsenal and pull out all the Naija mom-ness-ability I can pull out and go full on Naija Mama on ‘em kids! 

But I have to stop falling my own hands like I did today... that’s how I was shouting 

‘who wants chips?

‘I said who wants chips?’

‘Can’t you guys hear me?’

‘I will change my mind oh’ 

And I was thinking shooo? How can I be trying to feed them and they are just staring at me like this, not saying anything?

Next thing I heard, as I had turned to bless them with the look was ‘Oh, I think she means French fries...right mommy?’

Mogbe! I have do myself... that’s how I just jejely said ‘ehn, French fries, that’s chips na!’ 

I shall be taking my L on this one sha as I think of ways to put small Naija-ness in ‘em kids.

Please share with me any of the stunts I can pull oh! I must recover my almost lost points. 

I refuse to carry a badge of Naija Momma fail, lai lai, it can’t happen!

Pray with me!

xoxo

 

It's MM's Fortieth!

 

Y'all remember my promise to write something on each of the 81 Gang members' 40th birthdays right?

Well, well, well, it is my MMs 40th today and I kaint keep calm about it!

If you know me, then you have an idea how much MM means to me. 

She is my go to guy. 

My friend friend. 

Honorable member of my innermost caucus

Chairlady of my holy of holies.

When she hurts, I hurt.

When she cries, I cry.

When she laughs, I laugh.

When she's happy, I am happy

If she's sad, I ask who I need to jump... 

You get the gist...?

In fact, legend has it that when she was in labor to birth her little human, she was shouting my name. I do not understand why oh, but yeah, we tight like that!  

Have I mentioned that I am her daughter, Zee's self appointed god mother? Well it is only a befitting position for me as it was my name being screamed when she was coming into the world.  

So I met Mairo 13 years ago when we were new buckets at work; everyone kept to themselves most of the time but I had noticed her during inauguration (as i was looking for potential friends na) though for some reason, I thought she was pompous so we couldn't  be friends.

Yes oh, just like that, I had tried and judged her in my head (world people behavior, I know).

Then we got posted to the same department and we kindda became friends... but the moment I knew for sure I wanted to be real friends with her was when I realized she may be an asset to me... you see, my dear MM has a pure silver tooth from Mecca, when she smiles, you cant help but notice how radiant she is... anyways, that's how I thought e go good to remove this tooth and sell someday if we get broke and so I finally let her become my friend because you know, asset! 

Sense will not kill me. lol 

Dear Hajia Mairo (with emphasis to the Hajia cz you know, silver tooth) I am glad you are my friend.

I am blessed to have you in my corner always.

Thank you for praying for me. 

Thank you for praying with me.

Thank you for sharing Zee with me. 

Thank you for the laughs.

Thank you for being my MM. 

And so, as you turn the big 40 today, I wish you the best of the best that life has to offer.

I pray for you today, my friend, my sister, may this special day bestow you with more love and joy than you ever imagine because you deserve the best in life. 

Happy Birthday, Mairo, I love you wujiga-wujiga!

So to the rest of the 81 gang, I say go, go, go, go, go, go, go who's next?!

    

It Is 'Graves Into Gardens' For Me...

Holla!

Do you sometimes feel like worshipping God just because you know...

He is God?

Like just because...

He Is GOD!!!!

Not asking  for anything, just worshipping.

Today was one of 'em days for me and am I glad or am I glad? 

So I have decided to share  one of my absolute favorite worship songs for today.

Thank me now; or later. 

I am just happy to share... because I am good peoples!

Lyrics: I searched the world But it couldn’t fill me Man’s empty praise and treasures that fade Are never enough Then You came along And put me back together And every desire is now satisfied Here in Your love Oh there’s nothing better than You There’s nothing better than You Lord there’s nothing, nothing is better than You I’m not afraid To show You my weakness My failures and flaws Lord You’ve seen them all And You still call me friend ‘Cause the God of the mountain Is the God of the valley There’s not a place Your mercy and grace Won’t find me again You turn mourning to dancing You give beauty for ashes You turn shame into glory You’re the only one who can You turn graves into gardens You turn bones into armies You turn seas into highways You’re the only one who can You’re the only one who can Written by Steven Furtick, Chris Brown, Tiffany Hammer, Brandon Lake ©2020 Music by Elevation Worship Publishing, Bethel Music Publishing / Maverick City Publishing Worldwide CCLI #: 7138219 #elevationworship #gravesintogardens #brandonlake #live

source: YouTube

'Tis The Year!

Holla Peoples!

Happy New Year! 

Yes, I know it is almost the end of January but it is still a new year, abi?

So, Happy New Year to y'äll, my peoples!

This is the fastest January in a while, abi? Like someone said, this January is not Januar-ing like other Januaries Januaried... 

So, how have you all been? Good riddance to 2020 abi? The year that overhype killed, I hope 2020 has helped us to learn not to overhype anything.

I am excited about this year oh, excited because 'tis the year I turn 40!

Yaaaaaaay! 

Hold up, did you yay?

Yes, you did? Cool, yay!

You did not yay? Oya, go back and yay before we carry on because it is a yay-ing something please.

So not just that I am turning 40, some of my favorite people are also turning 40 this year which makes it extra special for me as na all of us dey old the old together. 

See ehn, just call us the '81 gang! 👍🙌

See Members of the 81 Gang!

Yes, dear Omofeba, we are 40ing oh!  

Kweks, who was pursuing you na? 

Saá, I see you had a great one! 👌

MM, you're next.

Cousin TBK, make i show J-town?

'Steeee that venue still looks good oh!

 Eni, how e go e for Eko?

Ms. B, where are we going for the photo shoot this year? 

Sister Kate, how far? where the gbedu go dey?

Ransi Cika, baby of the Gang, you'll close the year for us in grand style, abi?

Dear Members of the '81 gang, just know that I will be putting up a post on your days and it may not be pretty.  

So anyways apart from the birthday announcement, I don't have any gist yet.

However, I wish us all a very very very happy and fulfilling 2021. I pray God comes through for us all but remember, the new year will not magically be your best year ever unless you take deliberate steps on making it be the best year ever for you and yours. 

Do not mind all those you too can aspire, perspire and refire your maguire people oh! Put in the work, say the prayers, say the No(s) that have to be said, hold on to faith, believe and where you need to, sweat it out! 

Happy New Year!

xoxo

HIGHLANDS (SONG OF ASCENT)

This is definitely one of my favorite worship songs.

There is a story behind this song for me; a story of God's love and faithfulness. 

A story of His protection over me and mine.

I will share someday.

For now, enjoy and I hope it ministers to you as powerfully as it did for me.

Stay blessed!

VERSE 1

O how high would I climb mountains

If the mountains were where You hide

O how far I’d scale the valleys

If You graced the other side

VERSE 2

O how long have I chased rivers

From lowly seas to where they rise

Against the rush of grace descending

From the source of its supply

PRE-CHORUS 1

In the highlands and the heartache

You’re neither more or less inclined

I would search and stop at nothing

You’re just not that hard to find

CHORUS

So I will praise You on the mountain

And I will praise You when the mountain’s in my way

You’re the summit where my feet are

So I will praise You in the valleys all the same

No less God within the shadows

No less faithful when the night leads me astray

You’re the heaven where my heart is

In the highlands and the heartache all the same

VERSE 3

O how far beneath Your glory

Does Your kindness extend the path

From where Your feet rest on the sunrise

To where You sweep the sinner’s past

VERSE 4

O how fast would You come running

If just to shadow me through the night

Trace my steps through all my failure

And walk me out the other side

PRE-CHORUS 2

For who could dare ascend that mountain

That valleyed hill called Calvary

But for the One I call Good Shepherd

Who like a lamb was slain for me

BRIDGE

Whatever I walk through

Wherever I am

Your Name can move mountains

Wherever I stand

And if ever I walk through

The valley of death

I’ll sing through the shadows

My song of ascent

PRE-CHORUS 3

From the gravest of all valleys

Come the pastures we call grace

A mighty river flowing upwards

From a deep but empty grave

Words and Music by Joel Houston & Benjamin Hastings

© 2018 Hillsong Music Publishing CCLI: 7122399

Gender Reveal!

Hey peoples! 

Vira here (again)

So on my last post, I asked people of my gender a very important question (if you missed it, read it HERE, please).

It was a very important question; the answer would have made major headlines all over the world, I am talking about CNN BREAKING NEWS typpa major oh, as it would have solved a long time problem between the genders (that we knew of at the time)

But you see you my lovely readers?

You guys that I love so much for reading, sharing and commenting on my musings and craze, most of you decided not to answer the very very important question I asked but were asking me something else…

Turns out you guys were surprised when I mentioned '57 other genders', and wanted to know more.

I  am sorry, I have checked and 'they' say there are a total of 58 genders.

E shock you/ too?

See ehn, I was also left in a state of absolute shock when I read about the existence of more than the Apple Giving and Apple Eating genders.

How did I come about this knowledge? 

The other day I was reading  stuff I probably had no business reading about and I stumbled across this information.

So basically, some people wake up and depending on how they feel, they decide if they are a she, a he, a they, a them etc...

I told you it’s a confusing something, didn’t I?

Some even go as far as Caithlyn Jenner-ing... (this one is story for another day)

While I do not understand it, I do not judge their/them's/she’s/his'/her’s decisions.

Anyway, according to abc news, ''Facebook introduced dozens of options for users to identify their gender… and although the social media giant said it would not be releasing a comprehensive list, ABC News has found at least 58 so far''

Hmmmm Orisirisi...

The following are the 58 gender options identified by ABC News:

·         Agender

·         Androgyne

·         Androgynous

·         Bigender

·         Cis

·         Cisgender

·         Cis Female

·         Cis Male

·         Cis Man

·         Cis Woman

·         Cisgender Female

·         Cisgender Male

·         Cisgender Man

·         Cisgender Woman

·         Female to Male

·         FTM

·         Gender Fluid

·         Gender Nonconforming

·         Gender Questioning

·         Gender Variant

·         Genderqueer

·         Intersex

·         Male to Female

·         MTF

·         Neither

·         Neutrois

·         Non-binary

·         Other

·         Pangender

·         Trans

·         Trans*

·         Trans Female

·         Trans* Female

·         Trans Male

·         Trans* Male

·         Trans Man

·         Trans* Man

·         Trans Person

·         Trans* Person

·         Trans Woman

·         Trans* Woman

·         Transfeminine

·         Transgender

·         Transgender Female

·         Transgender Male

·         Transgender Man

·         Transgender Person

·         Transgender Woman

·         Transmasculine

·         Transsexual

·         Transsexual Female

·         Transsexual Male

·         Transsexual Man

·         Transsexual Person

·         Transsexual Woman

·         Two-Spirit

So, there you have it, the 58 genders according to oyibo people…

Do with this information what you want, you asked for it and because I am good peoples, I have delivered.

As you were.

😇

Dear People of My Gender...

Dear beautiful people of my gender 

You know I love you

You know I will always fight for you

You know I will always have your back

You know if you need a hype woman, I am always there

You know I am your guy for always…

But please I have a question to ask...

Come close.

A little closer..

Ehen, now you are close enough, the question is…

Why do WE do this?!

So now that 'they' are calling it abuse, I want us to critically look into the science of why women almost always eat out of their significant others' plates when they have their own plate(s) of food that they saw, liked, decided on and ordered for!

I want us to break down the biology/genetics/science, whatever it is that is behind this behavior that people of my wonderfully and fearfully made gender just love engaging in, this action which I happen to be very guilty of also.

The decision to make a post on this came up when I caught myself agreeing with @lily in the above picture. Yes, social distancing and covid prevention and all but with such measures, just how are we supposed to eat out of their plates?

Ehen, we all know it takes the average woman at least 20 minutes of back and forth to decide on what she wants to eat (do not ask me where I got the statistics from, just go with the flow).

As we were….

Let’s take it all the way back to even deciding where we want to eat... how come we know where we do NOT want to eat but cannot decide on where we want to eat?

See ehn, my gender can do some very confusing things that leave me thinking Weldon to us…

Now, back to the science we are trying for figure out, please if you are of my gender and you know you are guilty of this, come and tell us why you do it. I have asked myself this question and obviously, I have come up with no explanation, so I have decided to ask my people.  

Please tell me why, if you know. 

I guess it just gives us joy!

I promise you guys of the other 57 genders reading this, it is not done intentionally to annoy you, it is something that just happens (in my own case anyways). 

So I guess in conclusion, as world people would say, e be things... make una no vex. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted 

Be good.

Ps:   Happy Birthday to my darling Beebah, please keep my cake!

pss: Happy Birthday to Mummy Pretty, Omofeba, send my love and kisses to Mommy.

Psss: Covid is not over oh! Stay safe!

The Need To Unplug...

I'd been feeling the need to unplug from social media for sometime; this is mostly because I realized how much money I have been dashing Airtel...among other things. 

But recently, from reading about the different rape cases in the world, the killings in Southern KD, Zamfara & Katsina, gangster locusts in India, the killings and  murder hornets in the ‘Merica, return of Ebola in the Congo, more about the 'rona and so many unpleasant things happening around the world, I knew it was time...

I especially knew it was time to unplug from social media at least for a while seeing as all the raw emotions by people who are hurt, concerned and afraid began to get to me.

I was truly beginning to feel sad, that I began to internalize this sadness and I began to think of all the stuff that aren’t going ‘right’ in my life right now. My mental health was getting messed up! 

Ehn, ehn, I was not going mad oh! I know my dear Naija people do not like talking about mental health. Small thing, we will say it is craze that is doing her.

So yes, I did save a lot of data money but most importantly, I gave my mind some rest. And my mind rested for a couple of days…

I unplugged from Instagram, Twitter, I wasn't uploading/viewing Whatsapp statuses' and even chatting much generally…and boy, was it hard to do... but I knew the 'could be' empath in me really needed this so I kept going. 

The first day was hard, it felt like something wasn’t right, the desire to get off social media for my mental health was just as strong as my desire to keep up with  social media gist/gossip the news. I caught myself picking up my phone to go to the 'gram and the bird app (aka twitter) so many times, but I was determined to go with my plan so I fought myself hard and as time went by, it felt ok.

So…yes, it is ok to take a break from the internet or whatever may be clouding your head. There are so many things you can do to ‘reclaim’ your time from all the fuzziness. Watch a movie, listen to music, call and gossip gist with a friend, group call with family/friends, read a novel, study the bible, take a walk, exercise, go hiking, just do not let anyone or anything you did not send come for you and get you.

I studied my Bible a little more than usual and I watched a lot of stuff on Netflix *wait, that means I ended up not saving money on data, right*

Face palm...

But I would honestly say it was a good thing and I was happy for the whole three veeeeery long days I unplugged. It felt like my brain was taking in fresh air and stuff I watched were happy stuff...especially the series 'Sweet Magnolias'... it warmed my heart and reminded me of what true friendship should be about, it made me miss my friends and wished my best ones were closer and our bond was stronger... It reminded me of how blessed I am to have my friends.

So yeah, nothing serious here, just to encourage us all that sometimes, it is ok to take a step back and let time clear the dark clouds and.... just be happy. 

I love you for reading, come again.

xoxo  

PS

Gincheng, thank you.

We Are Tired!!!

We are tired!

I am tired!

Tired of hearing that another girl has been raped. 

Tired of hearing that another woman has been raped.

Tired of hearing that a baby has been raped.

Tired of hearing how women are blamed for being raped.

I join my dear Ozi to ask, ''how much louder do women have to cry before they are heard? This is one too many.''

How many times do we have to cry and condemn these acts?!

Just how many times?

Please let us know because we are ready to do it. 

We are ready to do whatever it takes to protect ourselves, our daughters, our sisters, our nieces, our friends and even our mothers from these monsters. 

I was going to make the title of this post ''Please Stop'' but no, We are tired! 

We are tired of being blamed for the actions of sick men who do not have any regard or respect for the body of the woman.

We are tired of the sick rape apologists who justify why a woman is raped.

We are tired of boys ''just being boys''.....whatever the heck that means!!!

I will not bother with the definition of rape today because I believe we all know what it means and if you or someone you know doesn't, please find out, educate a person or 2 while at it, thank you...

So I will just go ahead and say NO! 

NO means No!!! 

NO, no one has a right to my body just because he feels like it.

NO, the length of my skirt doesn't give you the right also.

NO, do not tell me what to wear, tell them, teach them not to rape. 

We have to understand that ''there is no amount of morals you can teach the girl child that will stop rape if we do not teach the boy child that he does not have the right to anyone's body''. 

So please, enough with the.... 

''what was she wearing?''

''why was she walking alone?'' 

''why did she go to his house?'' 

''how can she say she was raped, is he not her husband/fiance/boyfriend?"

People, please!!!!

Uwa was raped in a church!

In. A. Church!!!

Are we going to ask Uwa why she was in church? Would anyone have a ''good reason'' why this happened?

Yes, I know that not only females have been/are being raped. I know boys have had to suffer this also so I'll say teach ''DONT RAPE'', not ''DONT GET RAPED'. 

''Stop raping our girls, stop raping our boys! 

It is not enough to say you're not a rapist, you have to be anti rapist!

NO MEANS NO''

I will end this by saying may the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of every rapist and rape apologist! 

May they never know peace the rest of their lives!

May they know pain like their victims did!

I am sorry, but I am so angry and pained from all I have read! 

We just want to wash our hands, shako for the 'Rona and not feel unsafe while at it because some idiots think the length of my skirt, the obvious curve of my hips give him the right to my body!

Fathers, brothers, uncles, unkuuuls, nephews...the society, do better! 

Let us teach about, talk about, protect ours and everyone from rapists!

For Uwa and everyone who has been raped. 

Love and Light.