Wednesday, 29 July 2015

For the Yang to my Grey....



Image result for birthday

On this day, many many many many many many many  years ago, an ajebota was born in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. She was called Maryam. News of the birth brought joy to Garkuwa, in Hadejia; Jigawa state. Her cheeks were like oyibo puff puff. She was such a cute little thang.....


Then she grew up.

And became my PERSON, my bestie...(You see, she did shishigi to gain that spot in my life.... but that is story for another day.)   

Oh, then she moved to Lagos and became an agbero *wipes lone tear*
In case you are wondering, her cheeks are now like regular puff puff.



Today, I wish my person God's love always.


I pray that your days be long
I pray you find happiness, true happiness
May you sneeze glitter 
May you farts smell like cinnamon 
May you find peace in all you do
May you never cease to laugh at yourself when you have to
May you find your forever love soon



I'll break every rule for you today. For you, I twerk.

Happy Birthday to my Bestie of life
Ore mi atata
Ore mi toh bahd
Abgero toh sure
Yoghurt maker toh quality

I know that He who began a good work in your life is faithful to complete it.
Have yourself a very very very very special day filled with everything your heart desires and may all your birthday wishes come true.

You are the Yang to my Grey
I love you wujiga wujiga
I love you to the moon and back
I love you yesterday, today and tomorrow

xxo



I cant stop twerking...
That's my friend, 
thats my bestfriend...
Yass
You berra
Cz she's my bestfriend 
*twerk twerk twerk*

Wednesday, 22 July 2015

OMG!!!!!


Image result for angry emoji
Somebody shoot me now!
How can a person be so lousy?
haba? Kilode?

I am jejely sitting in my office and this man comes in. Next thing, noise.
Plenty noise.

In comes the politics wahala... (rolling my eyes)

I do not care about PDP/APC. Please go away!

Argghhhh!!!! 

*pulls hair*

Did he just shut the windows?! See me oh. Who send this one?

Why is my boss being nice to him biko?

*sigh*

Image result for angry emoji
I have never really liked this guy (don't judge me) and I am really, really not in a jolly mood right now. 

Hold on, I am going to open the window without  a word. (I am bad arse like that.)

I am back. 

He is still making noise. There is nothing I can do about it so....Let me continue gossiping surfing the web my thing.

How are you? Yes you... Good? No annoying colleagues? Lucky you.

Go on, have yourself a jolly good day.

xxo




Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Dear Random Person....


Random person: Where are you from? (I have even heard "are you from where?")
Me: Adamawa
Random person:   Ah, you are Atiku's sister.
Me: *straight face*

Random person: Where are you from?
Me: Adamawa State
Random person: Ah, I hope Boko Haram has not reached your people?
Me: *fake smile* No, they have not, we are fine.

Me: ..........(says something about church or bible)
Random person: Haáhn, are you Christian?
Me: Yes
Random Person: But you are Hawusa now......
Me: Arrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!


        Dear Random person,  Yes, I am from the North and shocking as this may sound to you, I am Bachama from Lamurde LGA and not "Hawusa". My ''brother'' Atiku is Fulani from Jada LGA. You see, there are over 80 ethnic groups in the 21 local government areas of Adamawa state.  Yes; there are. And each has its distinct historical and cultural heritage.

There are two major religions in my state. Christianity and Islam. You see why there really is no point being oh, so surprised that your Northern Hawusa 'friend' is a baptized, 'kabashing', spirit filled Christian?

Let me tell you more about my state....

Do you know that ''the state generally is characterized by many rivers with River Benue as the major one whose source is from the highlands of the Cameroon and flows southwards to join the River Niger?''......Errrr, keep that quote aside biko, the river flows through Numan town and you can clearly see where it meets our local river but they don't mix. Really amazing. You should come see.

Adamawa is home to 3 Universities (Federal, State and Private), 2 polytechnics (Federal and State), a Nursing school, a minor seminary, a school of legal studies, a Federal Government Girls' College, a Zoo, an international airport, Banks and more.

You do know that Yola is the state capital of Adamawa right?

Moving on.... 

Adamawa is also home to Sukur Hill, a UNESCO accredited world heritage site (I have never been there), it is also home to The Three Sisters Rock in Song LGA (never been there) The Koma Hills (never been there either), Gumpti park (you know na), Gorobi Rock ( I should visit one of these places soon) and lots more.


Yes, I am sad that all you see are sad photos from the boko haram menace. Just type 'Adamawa' on any search engine and you will be flooded with these gory photos. This is what my Adamawa is known for now. Really sad.

I want the Adamawa I used to be eager to visit for Christmas vacation. I remember how by the 18th of December my siblings and I would begin to arrange our boxes and if by the 22nd the oga at the top (aka Daddy) hasn't said anything concerning our journey, we'd begin to move our bags to the corridors.....And he begins to get the message.

It was always great going to Adamawa back then. So imagine my pain when on my last trip home,  about 3 persons asked ''why are you going where everyone is running from?''  I just smiled and said because it is home. That smile was genuine. Genuine and sad. Truly said.

Adamawa, the land of beauty, I still prefer to call it the Sunshine state.....
When did we get here? Where is the beauty?

I pray for Adamawa, my Adamawa. I pray we find the beauty once more. 
I pray we find the sunshine once more.
I pray we find peace. 
Again.

Peace to the North East.....




Wednesday, 8 July 2015

Epp me...


My people, I am tired. And sleepy.
Yes, I am at work and it is such a slow day, I feel like screaming.

I can not even rest my head on the table for a minute because I am afraid of being photographed by my colleagues.

This post is very important because there is a lesson to be learnt from it. You see, it is not good to do bad bad things. I know this first hand. Are you wondering what I am on about? Ok, I'll let you in. The thing is this, I often photograph my colleagues sleeping in the office and I blackmail them with said pictures. 

I may have said things like "be my bitch for the day or I print the picture......or I show others" Or maybe, just maybe get the victim to buy me a drink to give me the required 'strength' to delete the photos. Do not judge me.
                                                   
So I am sure they cannot wait for the day they will 'catch' me. I feel so sorry for myself because I feel the day has come upon us! *wipes lone tear*. I cant help it.


Can you see my predicament? Do you feel my pain? *now I am crying*
Well, the moral of this story is this....*in Chi gurl's voice* Don't do bad bad things... Do not take photos of your colleagues dozing on days like this and most importantly, do not blackmail them.

I hope you have learnt a lesson from me today. 

Now, should I try to walk off the sleep or sneak in 5 minutes sleep and pray hard no one notices?
Or take this kind lady's advise




I need help.
Please, epp me!


XXO

Friday, 3 July 2015

Best advice ever!

Lmao!!!!
This is definitely something the Bestie would say.

What would be your advice if your friend sent this to you?

I'm still laughing at the response. Who knows Uju? I want to be her friend!

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

Do not keep calm....

Whoop, whoop!
Waiyo, zamu sha giya yau!

*Wipes lone tear*You know seeing the young'uns grow make us (the elders) all mushy.
 Yes, I am exactly 62 days older than her and it is not beans! *straight face*

                                        
Alisabatu, my dear friend out of whom I "bring out the worse"....Her words exactly, now please how do you bring out what is not there biko? My fren, do not blame me but begin to ask yourself why you have "worse" inside of you and thank me for helping you bring it all out. 
I made this special cake for you hunny!
We became fast friends somehow and I love every bit of our friendship.....especially when you spoil me *rubs tummy* 
We've had good times, we already have our inside jokes *winks* and we are creating memories already.

I love when you scold me any time I deserve it. (When I don't, I dey do you kpasko!)
I love when you call me for gulma. May God forgive you. 
I especially love when you pray with me and for me.

Have I said I love you?

I love that you can smile through the storm and even encourage others.
Keep being strong; we will definitely make it to the graduations without walking sticks. kin gane ai.

I pray for you my friend. 
I pray the Lord strengthens you.
I pray that rainbows follow your clouds.
I pray that you find comfort on difficult days.

May your farts smell like mint.
May your smile never fade.
May your eyes always behold beauty.
May your story be crowned with love and success. 

Happy birthday sweetie!

PS: Where are we gonna boogie today?

PSS: I don polish my dancing shoes.


xxo













Monday, 29 June 2015

I still cry a little.....

Have you ever had your eyebrows totally messed up when all you wanted was to have dem brows on fleek? 
Kindda like this...

No? Lucky you! It has happened to me and I sill cry a little in my heart whenever I remember. I am soooooo glad though that I didn't go through the ordeal alone. Yup, at some point in the great Ahmadu Bello Unversity, Zaria, there were 2 girls walking around with eyebrows worse than those below. 

Can you feel my pain now?

When I saw this picture, I cried a little in my soul....because I know the pain that lady up there must be going through.....anyways, she will survive it. Like we did *cue in I am a survivor*

Are you wondering how that is even possible? I am here to inform you that as painful as it sounds, it is possible. And it happened to me. 

At the time, my bff, Omofeba and my humble self were in 200 level, feeling fly and experimenting with make up and trying to look even more fly. We had our hair did, nails did and just had to complete the look..... I don't remember whose idea shaping our eyebrows was but for the sake of this post, let us blame Omofeba even though I am the one with the bushy brows.

I cant remember exactly whose was done first but we both ended up very very very unhappy! Now that I'm thinking about it, I wonder how it is possible that the first person did not say anything and why the second person sat down for the assault. Again, lets blame Omofeba.....I am not sure why we are blaming her now, but let us just blame her.

Then I prayed, I prayed and I prayed really hard for my brows to grow back oh. I missed my bushy brows, I felt everyone was looking at us wondering whattapun and I stayed away from shaping them for a veeeeeeeery long time and to this day, I am very careful who touches my brows, I have to avoid more stories that touch the heart!

I don't know how long it took my dear friend to trust anyone with her brows but the last time I saw her, dem brows were on fleek! And mine? You kow na, waaaaay more on fleek! 

And if this ever happens to you, GOD FORBID!!! just find a way to tie a scarf all the way to cover the brows, that is what we did oh, for a while. Or just go for a full fringe weave!


xxo..... 


Thursday, 4 June 2015

Phenomenal Woman....

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,   
The stride of my step,   
The curl of my lips.   
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,   
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,   
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.   
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.   
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,   
And the flash of my teeth,   
The swing in my waist,   
And the joy in my feet.   
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,   
They say they still can’t see.   
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,   
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.   
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.   
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,   
The bend of my hair,   
the palm of my hand,   
The need for my care.   
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Wednesday, 29 April 2015

It is my birthday!!!!!

Whoop!
At exactly 7:25am, my 30th birthday will be celebrating another anniversary.

Yes, I refuse to say I am thirty anything.... My 30th will keep celebrating more anniversaries.

I have kindda planned a touching, moving write up on this day but.....

I am thankful to be here today and I pray for more years, happy years.

Happy birthday to me!
Can we just focus on me today?
xxo

Saturday, 25 April 2015

Haba shonda Rhimes, what is this wickedness?!!

She killed Derek Shephard! *wailing*
McDreamy is gone! 
Shonda Rhimes, why?!!!! Rolling on the floor, screaming 
             
Oya, please just come and end it. What else is there to add to the drama? You've killed them all. 

I can't believe how much I cried after watching the 'killer' episode. I'd known he died before I watched *thanks to some spoilers *. Still, I wept. Bitterly. 

*sigh*

I think anty Shonda is all kinds of confused. Writing Scandal and other shows. 

Now she has left me with a pot-pourri of emotions. I hate her, I love how brilliant she is. And I hate her for killing McDreamy. Should have killed someone in Scandal instead jor...

I am sad.
Mer is all alone now. Shonda has killed her mother, her father, her sister, her soul mate is gone and now they've killed the love of her life. Kilode?! Has she become a nollywood writer?

I need time to grieve.
I need time to keep hating anty Shonda.
RIP, Dr. Derek Shepherd.
I've loved you from the beginning.
But hey, onto the next one. Right?!

xxo



Wednesday, 22 April 2015

The struggle to belong is real!

My people, the struggle to belong is real oh. See what babes are doing for 'likes' on instagram. How do you wake up one morning and decide to steal a picture and post as yours? Ah'ahn, whattapun na?

I don't understand this 'I gats to belong' attitude but hey, whatever raises their skirts. I am just here to observe and share with y'all. After-all, I wont be there to share in the shame when they are put on blast. 


Really sistah?


smh....


Have you seen the cause of my worry this morning? ok, as you were.
xxo