Showing posts with label single. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single. Show all posts

Thursday, 3 July 2014

Full disclosure or nah?

This topic trended on twitter recently and a good number of tweeps were totally against full disclosure of one's not so pretty past in relationships (as what you don’t know won’t hurt you), some were for partial disclosure (choose what to reveal and when) and others were all for full disclosure (take me as I am). 

Got me thinking and I am all for full disclosure even when I know such a move could come back and bite me. I believe it is better for a partner to accept me for who I am and what I have done or passed through in life.

We all have done and gone through things we are not very proud of, some beyond our control - true but what if your partner finds out later on? From another source? Wouldn’t that be a bigger issue? That is my line of thought. This is why I think it is better to tell it all.

That doesn’t mean I will vomit it all first time we meet. Nope, I’ll have to like the guy enough before I open up. At the risk of being left high and dry of course and I know this scares some people. There is also the risk of being judged and the occasional reference to the past? *sigh*

So, I vote for full disclosure with wisdom (but how you decide the wisdom part is your own to sort out) The truth is, as much as we want to be true to our partners, some people do not like to carry others’ baggage. I believe that if a person really wants to be with you, s/he will stick around; no matter the weight of your baggage. Better to get dumped by someone who isn’t ready to accept me (baggage and all) anyway. 

That will just be one more frog out of the way before Prince Charming comes along.
So, what do you think? Full disclosure or nah?

Sunday, 29 June 2014

Ahh! This single life!

“All the single sisters who are believing God for a life partner……”
Yup, that’s a call for prayers for the single sisters in the church. I suddenly felt like a gold fish – you know the whole having no where to hide ish?- yes, that was me as some people took it upon themselves to turn and give me a look, as if to remind me . 

I have become a general prayer point in the house of the Lord. Now, I do not have a problem with being prayed for, I just feel soooooooooo uncomfortable and border line embarrassed that it has come to this. And yes, I am over 30 and single. Major prayer point, no?

Anyway, as I made the walk down to the alter, my friend whispered “it kindda feels like we have a disease wey them wan pray for us” I giggled at that but really, I felt bad. I felt sad because I normally wouldn’t have felt there was anything ‘wrong’ with me. But it seems like the society we live in doesn’t believe that we are fine.

And I ask, what if I really just want to be unmarried all my life? What if I just want to be a single mother? What if I want to wait till I am 40 before I get married? Or 50? Who decides the best age for a lady to get married (apart from our biological clocks of course).

So, I went out and with an open heart, I received the prayers and decrees from the man of God and I gave a loud amen!

And this is the church, not a lot of people know me personally to come ask me “when are we coming to chop rice na?” or “when we dey wear ashoebi?” ah, I almost forgot “this year in your year in Jesus name” and there are more.

Don’t get me started on the family members who will look you straight in the face and say “yaya batun aure” “how far with marriage na” or the mother….ah! mama matter is story for another day.

I understand that the concerns may come from a loving place but come on! Give me a break. Please.

Now as much as I do want to “settle down”, I want it to be with the right person and I will not allow pressure from anywhere to stop me from having fun and loving myself before I settle down. I also want to be happy while I am single, while I try to know and understand myself more, while I do my thing and have a fab life. So, as I say amen and thank you for the prayers, I also want to be left alone till I am ready to tell you when to wear ashoebi and  come chop rice.  
Till then, I just want to live and write about my life on the single-ton alley. Hope you enjoy my musing from now and feel free to share your thoughts and stories please.