Tuesday 9 April 2019

On 'The Systemic Whorification Of The Young African Woman'.

Sometime ago, I came across 'The Systemic Whorification Of The Young African Woman' written by Brigitte Sesu Tilley-Gyado on HUFFPOST and it stuck with me for a while; trust me when I say I was not surprised at anything Ms Brigitte wrote. I am sure at least one person reading this has experienced such mumu-ness somewhere.


Are you wondering what this 'systemic whorifiction...' means? Well, Miss Brigitte says 'Whorified': ...is to say sexualized and excluded based on my gender and youth...' errrm...or non-youth as the age case may be.


As a young-ish African woman, I have experienced such mumu-ish behaviours that have left me angry and unamused several times. Though I have not been refused entry into any establishment by the virtue of being a woman, I understand how annoying that could be. 


This happened to me: True story, I telI you. So on this fateful day, while driving out of a restaurant, I opened MY bag, brought out money and gave to the security guy...this individual looks past me to the Hubster and says "thank you, sir. God bless you sir"

                                             
I was looked at him like whaaaaaat!!!! Didn't this onkuul just see me bring out money from MY bag to give to him? Why is the Hubster taking the thanks and the blessing, bikonu?


So, basically....because I am the woman here, I 'must' have collected the money from the man to put in my bag, right? It doesn't matter that I gave the money to this individual oh, all he 'knows' is that 'oga' must have given me the money that I gave to him. Anyways, good for me. Who send me message, right?


See, the thing is that he most likely didn't mean to offend me, it is what he knows. It is what the society has taught him. That a woman, without a man is nothing and has nothing; so he didn't think it is possible for me, a woman, to have and give him My money. 

Sadly, it is true that "...Young women are the overwhelming majority of sexualized images in the media, fashion, music and porn industries. Yet where are the celebrated young African women inventors, business and national leaders of history in the media? Nowhere. According to the mainstream media, the non-sexualized autonomously successful young African woman does not exist."       



Now, while Miss Brigitte mentioned a number of reputable African women who are role models and have achieved great feats but are barely celebrated, I want to bring it down to the 'ordinary' Young African, Nigerian women whom we meet and interact with on daily basis. Women who are doing well all by themselves and not by the help of 'A Man', any man....I know them, they are my friends, they have and run their businesses all by themselves (of course with God's help and guidance). 


These women are my friends. They are my sisters. they are Me!  Women who are great mothers  (Berry, Madam J, Inzei, Mz Dalli, Anty Emm, Ishar, MM), thriving entrepreneurs (Meow, Tk, Millish, TonTon, Modesty_Inc. ) beautiful fashion designers (lytani stitches, ThreadsByKwete, FabFabrix, T Diamonds), event Planners (M&U Events), awesome Nurses (Inzie), amazing Architects (Ms Ghaj) , brilliant Doctors (My Naffy, RayBear) bankers (Kuch Kuch, Miriam, Meow), incredible bakers (Ozi cakes, Dee_nas cakes), dedicated teachers (LizzD) outstanding civil and public servants , women working for  great causes etc...etc...etc.


Now, tell me why any of these amazing women would not be allowed into any establishment to do whatever they want to do just because they are not glued to the arm of any man? Why does the society insist on 'whorifying' us just because we are women?

Wait, what if they haven't even achieved any of these yet? So what? why would you tell me I cannot go into a public business place because I am a woman and because I came alone? Haba jama'a! This thing is paining me. 

I can never understand it and I do not plan to understand it but I do hope that someone listens to Ms Brigitte because I totally agree with her that "...the African man too must shift his paradigms, attitudes and perceptions and join in this struggle for empowerment and equality. He owes this to his daughters, his sisters, his wife, and his mother who for half of their lives would be young African women. The young African woman is the future mother of all Africans, and her Whorification is the Whorification of the values and self-esteem all Africans by extension..."


I have super women all around me that I am proud of each and everyone of them...I will continue to be proud of them. 


No, this is not about feminism, this is just to say that this kind of thing is paining me. Like I said earlier, I am sure that you have been 'whorified' in one way or the other...Please share with me. I cannot be vexing alone, maybe some of your experiences might even make me laugh. 

xoxo














12 comments:

  1. I dey join you vex wallahi. What da mean?

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  2. Thank you for being the voice of countless 'Whorified' African women. I do agree with both of y'all. We do know them and sometimes we are them. I know it's kind of discouraging cos we are far from being recognised but I can't stop, We shouldn't stop and we mustn't stop. Like you rightly said, This isn't about feminism at all. To all my African sisters doing great things - keep it real. We celebrate you. @ThreadsbyKwete, sending you big hugs.

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  3. Big fat love hun.
    It worries me how the society takes us "women". Ayaf worry for this thing taya. So I attended this wedding last Saturday. I heard the *pastor* say " whatever u do, do not allow your wife earn more that you do, yana kawo Reni da rashin biyaya" I was like, shit! Shiiiiiit! What did I just hear? If you're a woman and you're reading this, do not, for any reason let anyone make you feel any Less.
    Vira, u got yourself a vex partner!
    *Thanks Darl, ah seee meee*

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    1. Ah! This Pastor needs a Pastor, imagine! kai, we women have suffered, I tell you!
      May we be guided rigth...

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  4. Me I vex pass u for that security guy matter! Can u imagine? Money that came out of my purse! Wallahi if na me I go collect my money back! See me ooo?! Ai there's nothing that switches my mood as fast as hearing the words "you know women" or "aha no wonder na woman" . I just loose it Wallahi! And some of them men can't achieve half of what we have achieved, sai burga kawai!

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    1. My dear, that 'na woman sef' comment gets to me ehn? I cant wait for when we will all be seen as people and not man or woman.
      thanks for your constant support...kisses!

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  5. The one that annoys me most is when you hangout or go out with any guy at all,wether na ya younger brother wey manage tall pass you,then its a woman attending to you she automatically gives the guy more attention that you her fellow woman,she fit join attitude for the matter sef.mtchewwww kaman in waska masu slap.Thank you for epping us talk jare

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    1. Or when they hand him the bill while na you go pay oh! SMH...it is well with the human race.

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  6. much love sweetie. thank you for being a voice to the countless women out there who cant share their stories. these social ills are terrorizing us till date even with the so called education we have right now. people are not ready to learn and grow.
    Some time back i was at a restaurant waiting my turn, i was alone when this middle aged man arrives and stand beside me,the attendant arrives and looks towards me to take my order since she was aware i was there first, this man snaps his finger at her and says she should attend to him first and almost immediately he turns to me with a condescending and says she should attend to a man first hmmmm it was not a proud moment but i gave him a piece of my mind. societal ills need to be taught and lessons need to be learnt and the earlier women take the right stand the better.

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  7. That is thing, people are not ready to learn! Before you know it, they are saying 'this is how it has been, this is how our mothers did it..' as if it is a crime to learn and evolve and do better...sigh

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