Hard Guy in Tha Mud!

Y’all!

Y’all!!! 

Omoooh! 

Let me first of all start by apologizing to all the Mommas I Yimu-ed for being emotional on their babies’ first day of school.

Because, what is this feeling?!

Abi I should go back to school and wait in the parking lot? 

Listen, my heart is too fragile for this, I could literally feel my blood pressure rise after I dropped her off… I am not lying. 

So she was supposed to start on Monday, thankfully it was a public holiday so she did not go. 

So Tuesday, right? Toh, that’s how my chest started doing kikum kikum kikum.

Then I said to myself: self?

Myself said to me: yes?

And I said to myself: What is this feeling?

And myself said to me: if you ask me, na who I go ask? 

So, ladies and gentlemen, as I am sure you already know where this is going, that is how my baby did not go to school on Tuesday. Then today came and as school fees cannot waste, I chopped liver and took my baby to ‘school’ 

My girl!

*wipes lone tear* 

See the thing is this, I didn’t know how fragile me heart really is… I was forming hard guy when planning to register her in school cz a person that would fart and say “Eskiss me”, is most definitely ready to go to school. What I did not know however is that I, the momma was not ready. *insert wailing emoji*

Which is why I shamelessly sat in front of the school for over 20 mins after I dropped her off, contemplating my choices as I may or may not have shed a or some tears. 

And the anty did not send me at all, she waved and said ‘bye sheeee youuuu’.

*Clutches pearls*

So this girl will not even look at me and cry small? 

What a betrayed! 😪   

Y’all!

Y’all, send me hugs. Wish my baby a great ‘school’ year. 

Say a prayer for her and send me hugs as I start planning to buy JAMB forms.

xoxo 

Culture Shock!

Merriam-Webster describes culture shock as a sense of confusion and uncertainty sometimes with feelings of anxiety that may affect people exposed to an alien culture or environment without adequate preparation

Y’all, prepared for some ish I definitely was not, I can tell you that for sure because I have experienced all kinds of this confusion since I got to this Biden’s America and I’ll be gisting you about a few of those. 

So you know how on the 1st of October every year, to celebrate Naija Independence day, no one stays home cz we be outside chilling and chopping wherever we go? Hmmmm that is how on my first 4th of July here, I declared I wasn’t cooking, we shall go out and do this the Naija way.

Haaaaaa *wipes lone tear*

That is how we went out and drove the whole length and width of this town looking for where to eat. Tell me why not even one restaurant was open.

We even drove to the next town about 20 mins away. Guess what? 

Yup, you got it right. It was a ghost town. No food, no hanging out, nada!

So what happens here as against our deck up and go out is everyone stays home and does a bbq; basically hang out with family and friends and throw knock out at night. The knock out is always amazing so I wont complain much.

Now, to the more shocking experience for me… 

That is how I have not gone to church on Christmas Day since I came here oh! Ah, a whole Christmas Day and I’m getting a message the day before about how we should all spend time with family and have a blessed day.

Ahhh! Will  my Christmas cloth wear itself? So there will be no dancing and plenty offerings? We will not stay in church for extra time as our own part of omugwu for Jesus’ birth?

Oya what am I supposed to be doing at home on Christmas Day? No church, no outing cz everywhere is closed as usual. 

#Sigh

Did you just ask yourself what happens on New Year’s Eve and day of? Hmmmm no crossover service, no dancing in church till midnight and screaming ‘happy new year’ at mid night. 

You want to know the worst one of all? 

I was gobsmacked when I realized I would have to pump gas in my car, all by myself! Like why? Why can’t I just sit like the baby girl that I am and have someone else on it like I do back home? Why do i have to come down from the car, take the nozzle and pump? This is definitely something I still can’t get used to and because of this, my tank is always red before I pump gas.

Well, well, what can I say? Na who send me come, abi?

Oh, another one. If you go to buy fresh fish, this is what you will get. No head, no skin….                                 

                                                   

How does a Bachama girl survive this? Fish no head? 

*Wipes lone tear*

Thank God for the African shops that ship full fish as it was meant to be; head and skin intact!

Oh, don’t go and be confused like me when you order fried fish in the restaurants and get this ↓.

And the kind of things my eyes saw in New Orleans when I attended a concert during the Essence festival ehn? Gist for another day.

Sooo, now it’s your turn, tell me about the biggest culture shock you’ve experienced, locally or internationally. 

Xoxo

Ps: there’s  more oh but these are the ones I choose to talk about today, I will fill y’all up with time.

Wetin I go find for Sokoto… My Visit To New York City.

Hey peoples!

You’re probably wondering what I am on about today again abi?

Well, if you are familiar with this saying, you already know how it ends…

‘Wetin I go find for Sokoto dey for my sokoto’….

So I visited the Big Apple.

With a mission.

I was prepared for this trip, I planned for weeks, I was super excited to get there and be a New Yorker and all of that. But my main reason for going to New York City was something I so much looked forward to, I could not wait. I even bought a selfie stick so I do not miss a moment of it. 

You’re wondering what it is, right?

Well, I was given the opportunity to choose where I wanted to spend Christmas and I chose NYC, because, well… it is New York City #duh, secondly, I really wanted to see/feel/experience snow. Yes, this Naija girl had not seen snow before so I thought, why not and where best?

That is how local girl was flown to New York City. 

Hmmmm the cold that grabbed me the minute we landed, I endured because I am in New York City na and I will see snow, abi? And the colder it gets, the more chances that it will snow, abi? Also, the thought of snapping photos in the snow, doing the whole snow angel ish fueled me. 

This was going to be me in all the plenty snow I was looking forward to.

I was prepared, the weather app was my best friend, it forecasted snow from the day after my arrival, all was good with me, I could not wait. 

My brothers and sisters, dudes and dudettes, ladies and gentlemen, that is how I spent 7 good days in New York, one tiny flake of snow like this, my eyes did not see. My fingers and toes, I could barely feel because the cold, the cold, the cold!!!!  *wipes lone tear*

That is how vacation was over, I carried myself back to my small town and a few days later, guess what? It snowed!

Yup, it snowed here, where I was told it had not snowed in about 4 years… ehn, it was not much, it was like two Naira snow that basically melted before it touched the ground but it did snow! 

Ah, come and see how local girl ran out to enjoy the snow… I did not care if anyone was looking at me, I made sure I enjoyed the moment. I was happy, I saw it, I felt it, I let it fall in my mouth… I was a happy somebody y’all!

This was me… with way less snow. 😒

Well, well, apart from the snow disappointment (which was major) the visit was cool, I visited really cool places and I had fun. As a true fan of the tv show Friends, I had to go to Central Park… it is huge but I did not stay long as it was super cold.  I visited Madam Tussaud (where I had a nice conversation with Thor and he told me I was worthy of Mjolnir, I may or may not be lying about this). I also visited the famous Times Square, Rockefeller center, China town, Broadway, Radio music hall, Fifth avenue and Carlos Barkery!

There were other places I wanted to visit but at some point, going out felt like punishment as the temperature was in the minuses so I advised myself accordingly. It was a fun visit altogether though I was snow heartbroken.  

Now, would I want to go back anytime soon? Hmmm no, I do not think so. Why, you ask? That city is basically a bigger Lagos with better light and nicer cars and taller buildings (ok, ok, maybe a whole lot nicer than Lagos but you get the point)  There was always crazy traffic, trash on the road sides, people everywhere, roadside food vendors, cars honking, cab guys driving like mad folk and cussing at each other… kilode?!  And I was even in Manhattan which is supposed to be the Lekki of NYC. Nah, I like my sanity please, plus the city did not keep to its promise of snow (yes, it is still paining me).

So… that is it about my visit to NYC, I will be back with gist of my visit to Las Vegas *does the sign of the cross*

XOXO 

Xtra! Xtra!!

 Read all about it! 

Holla peoples! It’s been ages, right? I do not know what happened to me but these past months, it feels like my fingers just refused to cooperate with the keypad even though I’ve been gisting y’all in my head.

As always, I say a big thank you to all those who checked on me and kept visiting the blog even when I do not put anything up.

So… this post really doesn’t have a bearing, I just want to gist you general gist about this place that I live and all the kinds of things my eyes have seen in this Biden’s America. I’ll tell y’all  what has stood out, surprised or vexed me in the past year I’ve been here.

You ready? Ok, let’s gist…

In case you are still wondering, yes, na okra… (i know, i know, it’s okro we knoweth) on a drink. And to this day!

To this very day, I’m still wondering what it is doing on a cup, then how in the world do you go about it? Take a sip of the drink, chop small kubewa, another sip, eat a shrimp? I don’t know and we did not bother to find out as no one touched that drink. The drink is called a Bloody Mary, in case you see it on a drink menu, you can like to skip it… you’re welcome.

I found out there are no public transportation in this town! Yes, it is a small town but not that small. Even small keke they don’t have. I keep wondering how people without cars manage, though I see some walking around and i really wonder how they manage it all together. This is a town with a population of 37,000 people! You get my concern now, right? Maybe i should buy small keke or start doing ‘along’ self.

Moving along, the road rules here include the fact that one can make a right turn even if the light is red. Just be sure it’s safe to do so. A person must change their ‘vehicle registration plate’ aka number plate and their driver’s license within 60 days of moving to a new state. Oh, people who ride motorbikes have same rights to the roads, so you’ll never see a bike by the side of any car waiting, they will take up space on the lane and be feeling cool…. 

Just like this uncle that just stood in my very before…

I’m not sure why I’m beefing sef. 🙈 

Ah, the summer here ehn, the summer is bloody! It be summering like say na fight.

 At some point, it was as hot as Yola with 37 degrees! Yeah, you read that right. It was crazy but it’s getting so much better now.

Oh, have I mentioned that they love their okra? After the okra in the drink, I got some in my salad and I can’t stop  wondering why? Why? Why?

 

Well, for me, if it ain’t in a soup, I don’t want it. Kalas!

Then I saw these in Walmart… 

I’m still wondering why…

Moving on… again…

This town is known for their mini meat pies; which are really nice but the thing that stands out for me is that the pies are served with some kind of dipping sauce. I’ve never tried the sauce cuz my Naija self knows that it is juice or minerals we drink when we eat meat pie. Abi?

Oh, another thing… there are a lot of elderly people who go shopping all by themselves and i always feel bad when i see them trying to get stuff off the shelves… the home training in me makes me stop to help them every now and then but I can’t stop wondering why they have to come all by themselves and no one really bothers to help them. 

I’ve also noticed some crosses and flowers by some road sides when we travel and I figured there might have been fatal accidents there and the loved ones choose to do that in honor of their loved ones. So I made a note to count how many of such I’d see on an hour journey to the neihbouring  town and I saw 3… yup, 3 (I sigh in Benin -Ore road or is it Yola - Gombe road?) those places would have been filled with flowers and crosses that there won’t be any ‘roads’ left to pass. 

Now, while that might not be all there have been, I believe they are few because the roads are good. No potholes, no unknown objects flying in the air and all that. 

Lastly but definitely not the least, NEPA has taken light just 3 times in the past 18 months since I’ve been here. Twice was because of a storm and the 3rd time, a transformer went booom! And all three times, power was restored in less that 2 hours!

I have had the opportunity to travel to some big and other smaller cities and I will tell you what I think about them, for now, these are some of the things about my small town. 

So like the terminator, I’ll be back! 

With gists…

XoXo

 

EVER BEEN SERVED?

 

It was Valentine’s day just a few days ago and I was a happy somebody. 

Happy because I am a sucker for love, I love love…So much so that I have appointed myself the president of the Awwww Association. 

Which meant on Val’s day, I was on duty, busy roaming the streets of the ‘gram, surfing my contacts’ WhatsApp status’ and I even found my way to the bird app in search for awww moments for which I awww-ed  and awwwww-ed and smiled and was happy for the Val-ed. 

But you know how this life is now, I also came across some servings of breakfast (if you don’t gerrit, forget abourrit) Some were hot and some were cold, coooold, which made me quite unhappy but I am hopeful for all those who were served; hopefully by next year, I will awwwwn with them (if you’re on this table, say amen!) as heartbreak isn’t cool at all and I’m sure we  you all know a thing or two about this. (Wanna share?).

Back to love… love is a beautiful thing and good relationships are amazing and break-ups? They suck, which ever way they are served suck! 

But I want to talk about a different kind of break-up today.

I want to talk about friendship break-ups. 

Do like this ✋if you’ve been served this special kind of breakfast. 

I am doing like this ✋with my full chest as it has happened to me. 

Not once.

(Wipes lone tear)

Have you ever woken up one day and realize that, you have become strangers with your person? The one person whom you have shared laughs, secrets, cried together with, to and for? The one person who was your gist partner, who would go all FBI and gangster on any one who tried to mess with you, your gossip partner, the one whom you’ve shared so many meals with.

                                                       

Like I said earlier, it has happened to me…

Not once…

(Wipes lone tear…again)

…and it hurt. It hurt because I don’t make friends as easily as others, so I hold my friends dear; my girls know this. Now, if you make it to my holy of holies (HOH)…sigh! Imagine a senior member of the HOH ghosting and becoming a stranger… ko da now! 

I see all these quotes about how if you lose a friend, they were never your friend to begin with; I don’t agree because the good times were good, it was real and it was good and it was amazing and we had loads of fun; so I would rather believe that ‘some people are in your life for a time or purpose’ and when that is fulfilled, they move…you move (just like that 💃… see what i did there?)  

Some broken friendships are fixed, broken up friends make up and are able to work through whatever issues they had (psssst Omofeba),  some are back-ish but not where they used to be; some are just dead and gone and there is just no going back; which is also ok. So whatever level you are now, maybe accept it as it is, apologize if you are wrong, find out if maybe you did wrong and don’t even know it… that’s what I did; for closure: I guess.  And I am glad I did, I am happy where we are. I am happy with the friends I have now and it is what it is!

So do you, if you want, how you want…

xoxo

PS. If you are reading this, I want you to know that I’ll always be here if you need me.

PSS.. I know I am cool like that.

My First Thanksgiving…

Hey peoples,

I told you about my first Halloween here right? Well, I think it is only fair to tell you about my first Thanksgiving day here as well..

So, it was Thanksgiving day on Thursday and I enjoyed every bit of it. Basically, Thanksgiving day is a national holiday in the US and it occurs on the 4th Thursday of November every year. It is an old tradition dating back to 1621; it is a day Americans gather for a day of feasting and well… giving thanks.

But ehn I was just looking all around and wondering how this is thanksgiving day… and not a single gele was in sight? 

Ha! I laugh in Family Worship Center Multicolored Geles of all shapes and sizes.

 

My brain found it difficult to process a thanksgiving day sans gele; so much so that I stood by the window looking at passers by, hoping I’d see one person all gele’ ed up because the Nigerian in me can’t understand how I’m not seeing fully decked up folk rushing to church… didn’t they say thanksgiving day? So its just sit at home and eat? Ok, I can do that also!  

But y’all know I can’t let you down right? So I put in some Naija thanksgiving day spice by dressing up in my lovely Ankara skirt and blouse designed by the one and only @lytanistitches (check her on the gram and thank me later) I looked Naija thanksgiving day ready and  carried on Thanksgiving the American way. It was a memorable day, Kids were excited to have a full turkey to feast on, I was super glad I didn’t have to cook but sit pretty to eat.

In the spirit of the day, I thank God for me and my family… this year has been crazy! 

I have been met with the worse and most painful loses. I have felt pain physically and emotionally, I’ve been humbled, my faith took a hit but I am here, I am healing, I am learning to take it a day at a time and my faith in God is totally restored. I am thankful for my walk with God. I am thankful for the me I am right now.

And I am especially thankful for you, for reading my musings and making me happy knowing that at least one person out there is reading what I write even though I am not consistent in dropping gist  life gems. Thank you and please keep clicking and reading and don’t get tired. 

Well, that’s it for thanksgiving and I am sooo looking forward to Christmas because ehn, this my little town is a town of shan’t gree for Christmas! Lights have been up since mid November and right now, people have put up all kinds of amazing, amazing Christmas decors that I just drive around and get my fix. I am soooo looking forward to the annual Christmas festival; which would be the 95th and kicks off on Saturday! Can you beat that? As its my first one here, the Christmas junkie in me can’t wait! You can check out #NatchitochesChristmas on the gram or twitter to see what I’m talking about, I promise, you’ll love it! It’s crazy awesome. 

I just know it is going to be amazing because the way they are going about it, one is tempted to think it is from here Mary went to Bethlehem to give birth to Jesus. 

So yes, I will be back… with #NatchitochesChristmas gist.

Hasta la vista

Tihihihi….did you see what I did there?

xo

My First Halloween

Hey peoples! As you all know, It was Halloween a couple of weeks ago.

I must say folk here sure do take their Halloween seriously! There were all kinds of spooky decor in the shops, people decorated their houses and cars. And to my Nigerian self, I would say it was errr…. interesting.

A neighbor 4 houses down actually had what I would say was the best Halloween decor in town. If there were awards for that, I’m sure he’d have taken it home. It was what it should be… ghosts, ghouls, huge spiders and the works. In fact, I have decided to just get an arrow,  point it to his house and ‘DITTO’ if he keeps the same energy for Christmas. 

Anyways, as the day drew closer, them kids started talking about costumes, I succumbed and asked what/who  they wanted to dress as… That’s how Kay said she wants to be a Cop and the Madam Em said she wants to be a Bat. 

Hian! 

All the Nigerian in me heard was SARS and winch. 

Ehn? 

In which house?

Please, please, is my Nigerian-ness a joke to these kids? 

Anyways, I said mba, no! Nobody is dressing as a bat in this house, we can manage the olopa but I am too Nigerian to agree to the bat costume. I quickly got the bat lady to repeat “I am not a bat in Jesus name” after me. I even considered giving her small anointing oil to drink and wash away such thoughts from her head after which I declared she was going to dress as an Angel.

I wouldn’t have it any other way and being the Angel she truly is, Em agreed (not that she had a choice) and she looked so lovely in her Angel costume on the day of…

The Nigerian Momma in me was pleased… 😊 

It was a complete costume set which came with a white dress, a halo, a wand and wings. 

Now while I’m not sure what Angels use wands for it looked nice and she was happy to have it… I was in my Momma win mode when  this child looked at me, pointed the wand at me and said “mommy I’m going to turn you into a frog”.

Egba mii oh! How did we get here? I knew I should have given her anointing oil to drink the other day. I really should have!

Me thinking of what to do to the child.

How did my Angel turn to a frog turning somebody?

Anyways, the look of bad eye she got from me was enough for her and her wand to quietly walk away from me.

The kids weren’t allowed to go ‘trick or treating’ as we are still cautious of the ‘rona and me I didn’t have power to go and do babiyanla  and no kids came to ours either, which means other people are also being cautious or our neighborhood is full of snubs…

Anyways, that’s it for my first Halloween, nothing much, just interesting…

Maybe next year I dress up…yes?

Oya suggest costumes for me. 

xoxo

To Smile Again…

Six months ago, my world stood still…

My heart; broken into a million pieces…

3rd of May 2021…

An Angel gained his wings…

God called My father home.

Yeah, my last post here was full of excitement and all, little did i know that 3 days later, my world as  I knew it would shake.

And it did shake!

Hmmmmmmm!!!! No words can ever describe how it feels so I’ll not talk about it.

Anyways, traditionally, today is the official end of the mourning period. 

Yes, my culture says ‘we move’ after 6 months… but how does one really ‘move on’ when there are days it hits soo hard and feels all fresh like I just got the news?

How does one move on when there are days that come with strong urges to hear his voice?

To hear him say ‘that’s my dautar!’ and literally hear the pride and love in his voice? 

I wish he was here for me to have a laugh with and laugh at when he’d text ‘SOS, some recharge card please if you can’. I thank God that I was always able to can.

I am glad I did all in my power to make my father happy and proud but i wish he lived longer for me to do more… I had plans to do so much more.

Through all this though, I thank God for the life he lived, for the lessons i learnt from him.

I am glad I am his dautar. I would not change anything or edit a day even if I could.

My father was the MVP of fathers. 

My father was good, he really was and I’m not even saying this because he was my father. 

He really was a good person.

He showed me how to love.

He thought me bwaraune.

He thought me contentment.

Through him, I understood patience.

He was wise.

He never raised his voice even when he was angry.

He corrected in love.

He loved him a good plate of fish peppersoup and if people were awarded for eating tuwo, we’d have dozens of awards hanging in the house.

My father was very peaceful.

He was the one who would give water to the thirsty, feed the hungry and give the shirt on his back to a stranger; and when we complained that he was doing too much, he’d say ‘my friend, don’t worry, God will provide’ and God provided. 

Always!

So somehow through the hurt, the denial, the anger, the grieve, through the rough days wondering when it will get better, we have and I pray we continue to find ways and reasons to smile again because that is what he would want for us… 

Keep smiling,  James Habba Alson, the Angel who gained his wings though our hearts were not ready.

You are sorely missed, Baba.

❤

Naija Mom Fail?

Did you ever think of the day that you would have a child and ‘payback’ some of the stuff our mothers did to us?

Yes? Correct person!

No? So I am the only weird one?

Me sha, I always looked forward to the day I will tell my child ‘come and put it in my nose’ or ‘come and put it on my head’. Hmmmm my people, me that I have been priding myself as a correct Naija momma, especially since the day my kids  madams happily waited for ice cream only to find kpomo in the ice cream bowl. 

Oh my! That’s was a very happy day for me, the day I earned major points as a Naija mother. I wish I had a candid photo to show the level of disappointment on their faces when they opened the bowl to get ‘ice cream’. 

Tihihihi... but I got a picture of the ‘ice cream’ or should I call it ponm-cream?

😁

They are even lucky that it was something edible in the bowl, unlike when we had thread and needle and a complete sewing kit in Danish biscuit tins or even full on egusi soup with better palm oil staring at you when you open ‘fan ice’ container...

Are you then wondering why I titled this post ‘...fail’ if I had already gotten points? 

Toh,  I will gist you. 

So, there I was, basking in the euphoria of earning Naija momma points with my ice cream bowl of ponmo and this child of mine came to ask where to keep her plate and I said ‘keep it on my head’. 

My people, my people that is how she actually, I mean this child actually took 2 steps towards me!

Then she stoped and said ‘huh?’

....ah! I thought to myself that the ancestors must have seen what was about to happen and whispered the gospel to her at that very crucial moment in her life. 

Because ehn...?!!

And she actually looked confused when I said ‘Dear child, thank thine ancestors for the save, please.’ 

You see how I almost lost points? Not just momma points oh, Naija momma points! Kai, it pained me! Now I have to go to my arsenal and pull out all the Naija mom-ness-ability I can pull out and go full on Naija Mama on ‘em kids! 

But I have to stop falling my own hands like I did today... that’s how I was shouting 

‘who wants chips?

‘I said who wants chips?’

‘Can’t you guys hear me?’

‘I will change my mind oh’ 

And I was thinking shooo? How can I be trying to feed them and they are just staring at me like this, not saying anything?

Next thing I heard, as I had turned to bless them with the look was ‘Oh, I think she means French fries...right mommy?’

Mogbe! I have do myself... that’s how I just jejely said ‘ehn, French fries, that’s chips na!’ 

I shall be taking my L on this one sha as I think of ways to put small Naija-ness in ‘em kids.

Please share with me any of the stunts I can pull oh! I must recover my almost lost points. 

I refuse to carry a badge of Naija Momma fail, lai lai, it can’t happen!

Pray with me!

xoxo

 

'Tis The Year!

Holla Peoples!

Happy New Year! 

Yes, I know it is almost the end of January but it is still a new year, abi?

So, Happy New Year to y'äll, my peoples!

This is the fastest January in a while, abi? Like someone said, this January is not Januar-ing like other Januaries Januaried... 

So, how have you all been? Good riddance to 2020 abi? The year that overhype killed, I hope 2020 has helped us to learn not to overhype anything.

I am excited about this year oh, excited because 'tis the year I turn 40!

Yaaaaaaay! 

Hold up, did you yay?

Yes, you did? Cool, yay!

You did not yay? Oya, go back and yay before we carry on because it is a yay-ing something please.

So not just that I am turning 40, some of my favorite people are also turning 40 this year which makes it extra special for me as na all of us dey old the old together. 

See ehn, just call us the '81 gang! 👍🙌

See Members of the 81 Gang!

Yes, dear Omofeba, we are 40ing oh!  

Kweks, who was pursuing you na? 

Saá, I see you had a great one! 👌

MM, you're next.

Cousin TBK, make i show J-town?

'Steeee that venue still looks good oh!

 Eni, how e go e for Eko?

Ms. B, where are we going for the photo shoot this year? 

Sister Kate, how far? where the gbedu go dey?

Ransi Cika, baby of the Gang, you'll close the year for us in grand style, abi?

Dear Members of the '81 gang, just know that I will be putting up a post on your days and it may not be pretty.  

So anyways apart from the birthday announcement, I don't have any gist yet.

However, I wish us all a very very very happy and fulfilling 2021. I pray God comes through for us all but remember, the new year will not magically be your best year ever unless you take deliberate steps on making it be the best year ever for you and yours. 

Do not mind all those you too can aspire, perspire and refire your maguire people oh! Put in the work, say the prayers, say the No(s) that have to be said, hold on to faith, believe and where you need to, sweat it out! 

Happy New Year!

xoxo

The 100th!!!

                                 Yaaaaaaaaaaay!!!

Well, I hope you are  following @Yasminescents on the'Gram already? 

The new outlet launch is tomorrow and the first commenter on this post gets a tiny bottle of an amaaaaazing perfume oil! 

The 5th commenter gets cupcakes from Ozi's cakes... 

I get to take myself out for lunch somewhere nice...

Nope, I did not forget the movie ticket...This will go to the first person to leave a comment on my very first post on the blog...Lol, please don't roll your eyes at me, it's all for the freebies right? Also, no one suggested how to go about giving out the freebies so I randomly came up with these...

I love you big, you know that right? 

xoxox

Signed: 

Vira with tha'100th! 😎😎😎

PS: Biko, choose only one freebie/person ehn? mbok.

PSS: Leave a comment and mention if you get any, please.

PSSS: More freebies....

Airtel:        1202284914052187

9mobile:    805827322285243

MTN:        64319428920156667

Glo:           573477448151362

My Emotions Are A Scam...

Hey people! It's Vira and I am here to tell you I have come to the conclusion that my emotions are a scam! 
Yup, total scam.

The thing is this, while I am usually quite sensitive, I am not really an emotional person but there are times when a gangster like me one can't help it.
I usually get all emosh at weddings or while watching wedding scenes on TV. I don't know why. I really do not know why...

Just the other day, I was watching 'Queen Sugar' and sweet aunt Vi was getting married to her love, Hollywood. It was beautiful,
I got all emotional and welled up...and let it flow. 
Then I remembered how these emotions betrayed me on my own wedding day!

See, because I have a history of crying at other people's weddings, I was sure I would cry at mine. I told my Maid of honor to standby with tissue and blotting paper so I can clean my tears while making sure the money, sorry, I mean make-up on my face does not wipe off.

And off we went, all dolled up, waiting for the vows; my cue to cry. 
Right?
Nope, no right...
I did not cry...at all!

It was waaaay after the wedding ceremony that this occurred to me and I came to the conclusion that my emotions are indeed a scam. 
What in the name of Judas Iscariot was that?
My emotions betrayed me!

*wipes lone tear*

How can someone who has cried at other people's weddings not cry at hers? Got me thinking...
Is this me? 
Is me be this?
Whattapun?
My people, I have cried at weddings that I did not even know the bride and the groom. 
NO, I did not gbo and ya jor, I was invited.

Well, the same emotions eventually realized they were supposed to be active and  got to work when I did not send it message. 
And so I cried when I least expected to. 
I cried when normal human beings with emotions that are not scam would not. 
So, yeah, this is the story of how my emotions betrayed me on my wedding day. 

How about you? Do you cry at weddings? Did you cry at yours? Do you think you will cry at yours? Please gist me...I cannot be the only cry cry here.

Thank you again for stopping by and reading the 99th post on the blog!
                             *drum roll, please*

Wait, what have I been writing? It really does not feel like I have written that much....
Maybe I am not so lazy after all *grin*
So...how do we celebrate the upcoming 100th post?

This is how...
I will not be sharing link to the post (so only those who check the blog all by themselves will find out and get the freebies)
What freebies? Let's see...

One person will get a special invitation to the formal opening of Yasmin's new store and a bottle of the most amazing perfume oil from @yasminscents...better check her out on the'gram, she has the most amazing perfume oils ever! Who ever gets this will be blown away!

Someone else will get a pack of 6 cupcakes from @ozi's cakes. I might have to win this for myself. My girl makes the most delicious cakes. 
There'll be airtime to be won.
A trip to Dubai......in your dreams.
A movie ticket...
And Lunch with me. I know no one wants this so I will take myself to lunch and pat myself on the back for writing a 100 posts that I don't know how I came about. 

But what criteria do I use in choosing who gets what? 
You guys, please help me out and I will edit to add or mention in the comment section. I need ideas, please. 

xxo

Xtra! Xtra! Read All About It!!!!

Hey People! 

It is me, Vira, remember me?

Please say you do! 

I know. I know we have talked about this disappearance act. 

I have tried to reply all the emails I got and I will do better. 

I promise....

Thank you all for putting up with me and visiting this page even when I have nothing up.

Thank you!

So...Your girl was in The Abroad and I brought gist...

The place is actually full of normal people...whowuddathought?! (wait. maybe i was in the the wrong places?) 

I did not see anyone making out or doing 'things' on the streets and I was looking out for it...*sigh*

They weren’t all semi naked walking around despite the fact that it was summer (all these film people be deceiving somebody) and nope, not everyone was fit, trim, tall, all model like with flat tummies, flipping long hair and prancing around...

time to stop being deceived by movies, Kim K and friends.

It wasn’t  cheap!!!!!

Especially for my Nigerian self with the current exchange rate. 

Every time we had to pay for anything, I'd convert the cost to naira, and my heart would ache. 

Everytime! 

Now, before I go on, I will like to ask; have I ever publicly declared myself a cheap skate?

No?

Ok, this is my official declaration that I am indeed a cheapskate. #NoShame.

Now imagine a self-declared cheapskate being charged $18 for an uber ride. 

The thing is this, the $18 did not pain me but when I got a debit alert of N4,680 from my bank, I passed out a little!

                                  

Four thousand six hundred and eighty naira!  That is three hundred and twenty naira short of transport fare to Adamawa state from Abuja oh! *mogbe* 🙆

At this point, I advised myself to stop with the naira to dollar conversion. I would not have survived to tell this story if I had continued that behavior. 

                              

I visited a lot of cool places across 5 cities and I loved every bit of it. The Willis tower is definitely one place that I loved and I am glad I got to visit. We were on the Sky Deck on the 103rd floor. Yup, 103! 

It was breathtaking, I was all awww and uuuhhh till it was our turn to step on the deck and the lady looked at me and said “everyone gets 1 minuet for a picture” 

Ha! 1 minute pere!?!

After following a queue for 2 hours to get to that point, feeling like I trekked from Okija to Ikom?  

Nope, not gonna work, the African in me was definitely going on ‘African time’ mode. And I am proud to let you know I took some extra seconds to get more photos...one minute fa, if I hear!

All in all, it was really cool and I’m glad I got to visit...legend even has it that Bro Barrack proposed to Sis MichMich in that building...(research for yourself before you start spreading gist from me please).

I was tempted to do one of these crazy poses for the 'Gram but who knows when village people will decide to come and break glass? 

Moving on....

This is a PSA!!!

Not everything in the Dollar store actually goes for a dollar!!!

I fell for that one.  *wipes lone tear*

Imagine my cheap self  happily prancing into the $ shop in my queen of cheap shopping state of mind...*wipes lone tear*

I was even thinking to myself 'we die here today'...

Imagine the betrayal when the first item I saw did not in fact cost $1.

Who did not live to be a $ store queen 😰

  

Was I in the wrong shop? I looked around and I was indeed in the $ shop. Ha! So whattapun?

Is this how Nigerian politicians learnt to deceive people? Only true cheap skates would understand my predicament...

It hurts till this day and I have not stopped asking....

WHY?!

Moving on...

Those Chinese nail technician portrayals in movies,...not lies!

Not a single one.

Totally accurate...them no send person at all.

They kept chirping in their language and even giving me instructions in the language!

And I could totally tell that the little old lady was gossiping about me. Don’t ask me how, I just do....

I was even thinking of....... Doing Nothing!

I respected myself and kept quiet before one of them would hadouken me back to Naija before my time. 

 The act of the Hadouken...
now you get it.

Oh, next time you see me forming for Keke, remind me that I was in one of these and it was cool. I actually liked it, it had music, the guy was nice and decided to appoint himself our tour guide sabi sabi somebody. He was quite friendly but i think he jobbed us small by the end of the trip. He seemed too happy and even offered to snap photos of us...are you thinking what I am thinking?

Not the actual one we rode in, I have never seen this guy in my life.

Self appointed tour guide was not the only overly friendly person. They all seem to be super friendly and smiley and chirpy. Before you know it, pictures of children and grankids are on display...Just like that!

Leaves you wondering where being friendly ends and amebo begins. *sigh*

That was definitely one of the problems I had being a zero friendly person (not proud of it but...)

Exhausted from all the friendliness and trying to figure out if it is amebo or not...

All these aside, it is a beautiful place and everything works! I kept wondering when our Nigeria will get to the point where light will not blink in a day, where the roads will be all good and car exhausts will not have to be changed every time one travels an hour out of Abuja. 

When will we have hospitals that work? 

When will our government feel jealous of all these other countries and decide to replicate what they see when they travel to the abroad? 

You see that Murtala Mohammed airport that we think is cool? Lol, my friend said “ai it is like motor park for them” ; she speaks the truth.

My people, have you ever been to Yola International airport? 

*Wipes hardcore lone tear*…

Lets' end the matter.

I know the onus is not strictly on the government because we sef get our own. How will the environment be neat and beautiful when we stay throwing bawon gyada from moving cars? When we will not drink pure water and dispose the sachet properly?

We need to do better please, we need to someday celebrate our country with real joy in our hearts, with pride and true patriotism because we are indeed happy to be Nigerians. So we will not be using side eye to be looking in awe and marveling at the beauty of the obodo oyibo like I did.

Oh, Happy 58^th to Nigeria, we will get there some day.