Mo What?

Mo what? 

Movember! 

What’s that you ask? 

Let me tell you how I found out about it before I tell you what it is. 

Fair deal, yes?

Ok, so I saw a picture of a friend of mine whom I’ve known to keep beards before beard gang became a thing….and he was sans beards!!

He had shaved it all off! 

My flabber was gasted and I had to ask him pe, whattapun?! 

Let’s call this my friend ‘Yellow’ as we go on, shall we? 

Yellow went ahead to tell me he shaved it off for Movember. 

I was wondering if Movember was a babe that got this bros to shave off beards I know he loved to have and flaunt. But let it not be that I am jumping into conclusions, so I asked Yellow warris Movember? 

And he basically said ‘Google is your friend’ without saying ‘Google is your friend’ cz he sent me a link to check it out for myself. 

So the  Movember movement is actually a thing and it’s been around for a while. Google tells me The Movember Foundation is a global charity that funds and raises awareness for men’s health. With the foundation’s mission being to help men live longer, healthier and happier lives.  

It was founded in 2003 by Adam Garone and 3 others, the purpose of this movement is simple; helping men live happier, healthier and longer lives…

This foundation runs an annual charity event, with a goal to change the face of men’s health by encouraging men (who the charity refers to as Mo Bros to get involved… So what men do during Movember is that they grow a mustache for the month, getting friends, family and colleagues to donate to their effort. 

There’s so much more to this foundation, I tell y’all and I’m here for it. I’m glad someone started this for the men to feel seen and heard and cared for cz there are so many causes for women out there and you barely hear of any for men. So please next time you put up a pink ribbon or something in honor of women, kindly add a ‘stach to include the men in acknowledgment of struggles men face and are rarely spoken of cz as the society says they are men!

Well, well, did you know about this? 

No? 

Well, you’re welcome and thanks to Yellow for sending me to find out about it all by myself instead of just telling me. And if this interests you, please go ahead and read up some more about this cause and see if you will be interested in any of the challenges for the charity events. 

Me sef I’ve plucked the two bia bia I have in support of the movement.  

So which of you Vira’s blog bros are going to become Mo Bros after reading this?

As always, thank you for stopping by.

xoxo

Hard Guy in Tha Mud!

Y’all!

Y’all!!! 

Omoooh! 

Let me first of all start by apologizing to all the Mommas I Yimu-ed for being emotional on their babies’ first day of school.

Because, what is this feeling?!

Abi I should go back to school and wait in the parking lot? 

Listen, my heart is too fragile for this, I could literally feel my blood pressure rise after I dropped her off… I am not lying. 

So she was supposed to start on Monday, thankfully it was a public holiday so she did not go. 

So Tuesday, right? Toh, that’s how my chest started doing kikum kikum kikum.

Then I said to myself: self?

Myself said to me: yes?

And I said to myself: What is this feeling?

And myself said to me: if you ask me, na who I go ask? 

So, ladies and gentlemen, as I am sure you already know where this is going, that is how my baby did not go to school on Tuesday. Then today came and as school fees cannot waste, I chopped liver and took my baby to ‘school’ 

My girl!

*wipes lone tear* 

See the thing is this, I didn’t know how fragile me heart really is… I was forming hard guy when planning to register her in school cz a person that would fart and say “Eskiss me”, is most definitely ready to go to school. What I did not know however is that I, the momma was not ready. *insert wailing emoji*

Which is why I shamelessly sat in front of the school for over 20 mins after I dropped her off, contemplating my choices as I may or may not have shed a or some tears. 

And the anty did not send me at all, she waved and said ‘bye sheeee youuuu’.

*Clutches pearls*

So this girl will not even look at me and cry small? 

What a betrayed! 😪   

Y’all!

Y’all, send me hugs. Wish my baby a great ‘school’ year. 

Say a prayer for her and send me hugs as I start planning to buy JAMB forms.

xoxo 

Culture Shock!

Merriam-Webster describes culture shock as a sense of confusion and uncertainty sometimes with feelings of anxiety that may affect people exposed to an alien culture or environment without adequate preparation

Y’all, prepared for some ish I definitely was not, I can tell you that for sure because I have experienced all kinds of this confusion since I got to this Biden’s America and I’ll be gisting you about a few of those. 

So you know how on the 1st of October every year, to celebrate Naija Independence day, no one stays home cz we be outside chilling and chopping wherever we go? Hmmmm that is how on my first 4th of July here, I declared I wasn’t cooking, we shall go out and do this the Naija way.

Haaaaaa *wipes lone tear*

That is how we went out and drove the whole length and width of this town looking for where to eat. Tell me why not even one restaurant was open.

We even drove to the next town about 20 mins away. Guess what? 

Yup, you got it right. It was a ghost town. No food, no hanging out, nada!

So what happens here as against our deck up and go out is everyone stays home and does a bbq; basically hang out with family and friends and throw knock out at night. The knock out is always amazing so I wont complain much.

Now, to the more shocking experience for me… 

That is how I have not gone to church on Christmas Day since I came here oh! Ah, a whole Christmas Day and I’m getting a message the day before about how we should all spend time with family and have a blessed day.

Ahhh! Will  my Christmas cloth wear itself? So there will be no dancing and plenty offerings? We will not stay in church for extra time as our own part of omugwu for Jesus’ birth?

Oya what am I supposed to be doing at home on Christmas Day? No church, no outing cz everywhere is closed as usual. 

#Sigh

Did you just ask yourself what happens on New Year’s Eve and day of? Hmmmm no crossover service, no dancing in church till midnight and screaming ‘happy new year’ at mid night. 

You want to know the worst one of all? 

I was gobsmacked when I realized I would have to pump gas in my car, all by myself! Like why? Why can’t I just sit like the baby girl that I am and have someone else on it like I do back home? Why do i have to come down from the car, take the nozzle and pump? This is definitely something I still can’t get used to and because of this, my tank is always red before I pump gas.

Well, well, what can I say? Na who send me come, abi?

Oh, another one. If you go to buy fresh fish, this is what you will get. No head, no skin….                                 

                                                   

How does a Bachama girl survive this? Fish no head? 

*Wipes lone tear*

Thank God for the African shops that ship full fish as it was meant to be; head and skin intact!

Oh, don’t go and be confused like me when you order fried fish in the restaurants and get this ↓.

And the kind of things my eyes saw in New Orleans when I attended a concert during the Essence festival ehn? Gist for another day.

Sooo, now it’s your turn, tell me about the biggest culture shock you’ve experienced, locally or internationally. 

Xoxo

Ps: there’s  more oh but these are the ones I choose to talk about today, I will fill y’all up with time.

To Thine Own Self, Be True…

Hey Peoples!

It’s been a minute. 

I know, I know… just that life has been lifing.

#whew!

So a conversation happened that got me thinking… so much so that it made me want to get serious-ish with stuff, with the blog and maybe more. 

Ok, let me gist you. The other day, I attended a friend’s birthday party and the celebrant introduced me to another guest and this happened. 

Celebrant to Lady: you’ve met my friend, right?

Lady: No, I don’t think I have.

Me: shakes head as mouth was busy with sweet puff puff

Celebrant to lady: This is AA’s wife.

Lady lights up: Oh, you’re the writer!

Me to myself: Writer bawo? *swallows puff puff*

Me to nice lady: Oh no, I am not a writer.

Nice lady: You know XYZ in Shreveport, right? She told me about y’all and she says you’re a writer.

Me still confused: Yes, I know her but I am not a writer.

At this point, another friend, Momma Ify, who was with us looks at me and says ‘but you write naa, how about your blog?’

Me in a state of lol: Ehn but that is not writing writing like that naa…

At this point, momma Ify went ahead to make my head swell by saying how much of a good writer she thinks I am. I sha stood there accepting the hype but not with full chest cz who are y’all talking about?!

I however remember I met the lady from Shreveport through my blog page on the ‘gram and I thought to myself, so like this now, this lady has been seeing me as, and introducing me as a writer and I’ve never considered myself  one?

What does it even mean to be a writer? I know I enjoy doing this and I started cz I wanted to put down my feelings on stuff, opinions and the occasional amebo out there and for no one in particular, I just wanted a fun type thing. I also started anonymously because I was not confident in my writing and not sure anyone would even be interested in reading it.

But this lady saw me as a writer *sneakering*.  She saw me as more than I saw myself and that made me feel good and then it made me feel bad about myself. I felt good because I felt ‘seen’ then I felt bad because I didn’t see myself. 

I always shied away from saying I had a blog and even when I began to say that I did, I always felt I was not writing anything serious which is why I only sent links to posts to my close friends only. There would be days I’d go through others’ blogs and ask myself why I do not write ‘serious’ stuff in a serious tone like they do. Then I’ll will myself to write like them but whenever I do, it just does not feel like me *does that even make sense?*

Anyways, after thinking long and hard, I have now decided to be me, to embrace my writing style and generally, to myself, be true.

So please allow me to introduce myself…*shouting on top of my lungs* My name is Zandaborom *whispers* and I am a writer.

Stay hydrated.

xoxo

PS: I don’t even know if this post title even gels like that but that was what popped up in my head when I thought of writing about this and I went with it.

Wetin I go find for Sokoto… My Visit To New York City.

Hey peoples!

You’re probably wondering what I am on about today again abi?

Well, if you are familiar with this saying, you already know how it ends…

‘Wetin I go find for Sokoto dey for my sokoto’….

So I visited the Big Apple.

With a mission.

I was prepared for this trip, I planned for weeks, I was super excited to get there and be a New Yorker and all of that. But my main reason for going to New York City was something I so much looked forward to, I could not wait. I even bought a selfie stick so I do not miss a moment of it. 

You’re wondering what it is, right?

Well, I was given the opportunity to choose where I wanted to spend Christmas and I chose NYC, because, well… it is New York City #duh, secondly, I really wanted to see/feel/experience snow. Yes, this Naija girl had not seen snow before so I thought, why not and where best?

That is how local girl was flown to New York City. 

Hmmmm the cold that grabbed me the minute we landed, I endured because I am in New York City na and I will see snow, abi? And the colder it gets, the more chances that it will snow, abi? Also, the thought of snapping photos in the snow, doing the whole snow angel ish fueled me. 

This was going to be me in all the plenty snow I was looking forward to.

I was prepared, the weather app was my best friend, it forecasted snow from the day after my arrival, all was good with me, I could not wait. 

My brothers and sisters, dudes and dudettes, ladies and gentlemen, that is how I spent 7 good days in New York, one tiny flake of snow like this, my eyes did not see. My fingers and toes, I could barely feel because the cold, the cold, the cold!!!!  *wipes lone tear*

That is how vacation was over, I carried myself back to my small town and a few days later, guess what? It snowed!

Yup, it snowed here, where I was told it had not snowed in about 4 years… ehn, it was not much, it was like two Naira snow that basically melted before it touched the ground but it did snow! 

Ah, come and see how local girl ran out to enjoy the snow… I did not care if anyone was looking at me, I made sure I enjoyed the moment. I was happy, I saw it, I felt it, I let it fall in my mouth… I was a happy somebody y’all!

This was me… with way less snow. 😒

Well, well, apart from the snow disappointment (which was major) the visit was cool, I visited really cool places and I had fun. As a true fan of the tv show Friends, I had to go to Central Park… it is huge but I did not stay long as it was super cold.  I visited Madam Tussaud (where I had a nice conversation with Thor and he told me I was worthy of Mjolnir, I may or may not be lying about this). I also visited the famous Times Square, Rockefeller center, China town, Broadway, Radio music hall, Fifth avenue and Carlos Barkery!

There were other places I wanted to visit but at some point, going out felt like punishment as the temperature was in the minuses so I advised myself accordingly. It was a fun visit altogether though I was snow heartbroken.  

Now, would I want to go back anytime soon? Hmmm no, I do not think so. Why, you ask? That city is basically a bigger Lagos with better light and nicer cars and taller buildings (ok, ok, maybe a whole lot nicer than Lagos but you get the point)  There was always crazy traffic, trash on the road sides, people everywhere, roadside food vendors, cars honking, cab guys driving like mad folk and cussing at each other… kilode?!  And I was even in Manhattan which is supposed to be the Lekki of NYC. Nah, I like my sanity please, plus the city did not keep to its promise of snow (yes, it is still paining me).

So… that is it about my visit to NYC, I will be back with gist of my visit to Las Vegas *does the sign of the cross*

XOXO 

Xtra! Xtra!!

 Read all about it! 

Holla peoples! It’s been ages, right? I do not know what happened to me but these past months, it feels like my fingers just refused to cooperate with the keypad even though I’ve been gisting y’all in my head.

As always, I say a big thank you to all those who checked on me and kept visiting the blog even when I do not put anything up.

So… this post really doesn’t have a bearing, I just want to gist you general gist about this place that I live and all the kinds of things my eyes have seen in this Biden’s America. I’ll tell y’all  what has stood out, surprised or vexed me in the past year I’ve been here.

You ready? Ok, let’s gist…

In case you are still wondering, yes, na okra… (i know, i know, it’s okro we knoweth) on a drink. And to this day!

To this very day, I’m still wondering what it is doing on a cup, then how in the world do you go about it? Take a sip of the drink, chop small kubewa, another sip, eat a shrimp? I don’t know and we did not bother to find out as no one touched that drink. The drink is called a Bloody Mary, in case you see it on a drink menu, you can like to skip it… you’re welcome.

I found out there are no public transportation in this town! Yes, it is a small town but not that small. Even small keke they don’t have. I keep wondering how people without cars manage, though I see some walking around and i really wonder how they manage it all together. This is a town with a population of 37,000 people! You get my concern now, right? Maybe i should buy small keke or start doing ‘along’ self.

Moving along, the road rules here include the fact that one can make a right turn even if the light is red. Just be sure it’s safe to do so. A person must change their ‘vehicle registration plate’ aka number plate and their driver’s license within 60 days of moving to a new state. Oh, people who ride motorbikes have same rights to the roads, so you’ll never see a bike by the side of any car waiting, they will take up space on the lane and be feeling cool…. 

Just like this uncle that just stood in my very before…

I’m not sure why I’m beefing sef. 🙈 

Ah, the summer here ehn, the summer is bloody! It be summering like say na fight.

 At some point, it was as hot as Yola with 37 degrees! Yeah, you read that right. It was crazy but it’s getting so much better now.

Oh, have I mentioned that they love their okra? After the okra in the drink, I got some in my salad and I can’t stop  wondering why? Why? Why?

 

Well, for me, if it ain’t in a soup, I don’t want it. Kalas!

Then I saw these in Walmart… 

I’m still wondering why…

Moving on… again…

This town is known for their mini meat pies; which are really nice but the thing that stands out for me is that the pies are served with some kind of dipping sauce. I’ve never tried the sauce cuz my Naija self knows that it is juice or minerals we drink when we eat meat pie. Abi?

Oh, another thing… there are a lot of elderly people who go shopping all by themselves and i always feel bad when i see them trying to get stuff off the shelves… the home training in me makes me stop to help them every now and then but I can’t stop wondering why they have to come all by themselves and no one really bothers to help them. 

I’ve also noticed some crosses and flowers by some road sides when we travel and I figured there might have been fatal accidents there and the loved ones choose to do that in honor of their loved ones. So I made a note to count how many of such I’d see on an hour journey to the neihbouring  town and I saw 3… yup, 3 (I sigh in Benin -Ore road or is it Yola - Gombe road?) those places would have been filled with flowers and crosses that there won’t be any ‘roads’ left to pass. 

Now, while that might not be all there have been, I believe they are few because the roads are good. No potholes, no unknown objects flying in the air and all that. 

Lastly but definitely not the least, NEPA has taken light just 3 times in the past 18 months since I’ve been here. Twice was because of a storm and the 3rd time, a transformer went booom! And all three times, power was restored in less that 2 hours!

I have had the opportunity to travel to some big and other smaller cities and I will tell you what I think about them, for now, these are some of the things about my small town. 

So like the terminator, I’ll be back! 

With gists…

XoXo

 

Naija Mom Fail?

Did you ever think of the day that you would have a child and ‘payback’ some of the stuff our mothers did to us?

Yes? Correct person!

No? So I am the only weird one?

Me sha, I always looked forward to the day I will tell my child ‘come and put it in my nose’ or ‘come and put it on my head’. Hmmmm my people, me that I have been priding myself as a correct Naija momma, especially since the day my kids  madams happily waited for ice cream only to find kpomo in the ice cream bowl. 

Oh my! That’s was a very happy day for me, the day I earned major points as a Naija mother. I wish I had a candid photo to show the level of disappointment on their faces when they opened the bowl to get ‘ice cream’. 

Tihihihi... but I got a picture of the ‘ice cream’ or should I call it ponm-cream?

😁

They are even lucky that it was something edible in the bowl, unlike when we had thread and needle and a complete sewing kit in Danish biscuit tins or even full on egusi soup with better palm oil staring at you when you open ‘fan ice’ container...

Are you then wondering why I titled this post ‘...fail’ if I had already gotten points? 

Toh,  I will gist you. 

So, there I was, basking in the euphoria of earning Naija momma points with my ice cream bowl of ponmo and this child of mine came to ask where to keep her plate and I said ‘keep it on my head’. 

My people, my people that is how she actually, I mean this child actually took 2 steps towards me!

Then she stoped and said ‘huh?’

....ah! I thought to myself that the ancestors must have seen what was about to happen and whispered the gospel to her at that very crucial moment in her life. 

Because ehn...?!!

And she actually looked confused when I said ‘Dear child, thank thine ancestors for the save, please.’ 

You see how I almost lost points? Not just momma points oh, Naija momma points! Kai, it pained me! Now I have to go to my arsenal and pull out all the Naija mom-ness-ability I can pull out and go full on Naija Mama on ‘em kids! 

But I have to stop falling my own hands like I did today... that’s how I was shouting 

‘who wants chips?

‘I said who wants chips?’

‘Can’t you guys hear me?’

‘I will change my mind oh’ 

And I was thinking shooo? How can I be trying to feed them and they are just staring at me like this, not saying anything?

Next thing I heard, as I had turned to bless them with the look was ‘Oh, I think she means French fries...right mommy?’

Mogbe! I have do myself... that’s how I just jejely said ‘ehn, French fries, that’s chips na!’ 

I shall be taking my L on this one sha as I think of ways to put small Naija-ness in ‘em kids.

Please share with me any of the stunts I can pull oh! I must recover my almost lost points. 

I refuse to carry a badge of Naija Momma fail, lai lai, it can’t happen!

Pray with me!

xoxo

 

Gender Reveal!

Hey peoples! 

Vira here (again)

So on my last post, I asked people of my gender a very important question (if you missed it, read it HERE, please).

It was a very important question; the answer would have made major headlines all over the world, I am talking about CNN BREAKING NEWS typpa major oh, as it would have solved a long time problem between the genders (that we knew of at the time)

But you see you my lovely readers?

You guys that I love so much for reading, sharing and commenting on my musings and craze, most of you decided not to answer the very very important question I asked but were asking me something else…

Turns out you guys were surprised when I mentioned '57 other genders', and wanted to know more.

I  am sorry, I have checked and 'they' say there are a total of 58 genders.

E shock you/ too?

See ehn, I was also left in a state of absolute shock when I read about the existence of more than the Apple Giving and Apple Eating genders.

How did I come about this knowledge? 

The other day I was reading  stuff I probably had no business reading about and I stumbled across this information.

So basically, some people wake up and depending on how they feel, they decide if they are a she, a he, a they, a them etc...

I told you it’s a confusing something, didn’t I?

Some even go as far as Caithlyn Jenner-ing... (this one is story for another day)

While I do not understand it, I do not judge their/them's/she’s/his'/her’s decisions.

Anyway, according to abc news, ''Facebook introduced dozens of options for users to identify their gender… and although the social media giant said it would not be releasing a comprehensive list, ABC News has found at least 58 so far''

Hmmmm Orisirisi...

The following are the 58 gender options identified by ABC News:

·         Agender

·         Androgyne

·         Androgynous

·         Bigender

·         Cis

·         Cisgender

·         Cis Female

·         Cis Male

·         Cis Man

·         Cis Woman

·         Cisgender Female

·         Cisgender Male

·         Cisgender Man

·         Cisgender Woman

·         Female to Male

·         FTM

·         Gender Fluid

·         Gender Nonconforming

·         Gender Questioning

·         Gender Variant

·         Genderqueer

·         Intersex

·         Male to Female

·         MTF

·         Neither

·         Neutrois

·         Non-binary

·         Other

·         Pangender

·         Trans

·         Trans*

·         Trans Female

·         Trans* Female

·         Trans Male

·         Trans* Male

·         Trans Man

·         Trans* Man

·         Trans Person

·         Trans* Person

·         Trans Woman

·         Trans* Woman

·         Transfeminine

·         Transgender

·         Transgender Female

·         Transgender Male

·         Transgender Man

·         Transgender Person

·         Transgender Woman

·         Transmasculine

·         Transsexual

·         Transsexual Female

·         Transsexual Male

·         Transsexual Man

·         Transsexual Person

·         Transsexual Woman

·         Two-Spirit

So, there you have it, the 58 genders according to oyibo people…

Do with this information what you want, you asked for it and because I am good peoples, I have delivered.

As you were.

😇

Wait, What?

Do you know this song

'Kumbaya, my Lord

Kumbaya

Kumbaya my Lord, Kumbaya

Oooh Lord, Kumbaya...?

So the other day, I was sitting in the office and my boss came in to ask what language the song ‘kumbaya’ is... 

I said I thought it was Swahili. 
Zee said she thought so to...

‘Stee said same....copy copy

Then we proceeded to sing the song...

...me with my angelic voice...Yes, yes thank you 😇

Mr. O allowed sing to our satisfaction then told us the lyrics are actually ‘come back here, my Lord..
               come back here...
               come back here, my Lord...
               come back here...

Wait! 

What?! 

Come back, ba wo?

Well, he explained that the song was sung back in the day by slaves in the fields who were praying to God for help...now I feel some type of way...
It actually sounds sad right? And I can understand how it could really be a song calling for help.

I checked it up and it seems like there is some truth to Mr. O's gist...true or not, it is a lovely song and I can't seem to get it out of my head.

What do you think? Do you agree with Mr. O?
Find out for yourself.
As for me, it is Kumbaya, my Lord, 
                         Kumbaya....

xxo