Wednesday, 22 July 2015


Image result for angry emoji
Somebody shoot me now!
How can a person be so lousy?
haba? Kilode?

I am jejely sitting in my office and this man comes in. Next thing, noise.
Plenty noise.

In comes the politics wahala... (rolling my eyes)

I do not care about PDP/APC. Please go away!


*pulls hair*

Did he just shut the windows?! See me oh. Who send this one?

Why is my boss being nice to him biko?


Image result for angry emoji
I have never really liked this guy (don't judge me) and I am really, really not in a jolly mood right now. 

Hold on, I am going to open the window without  a word. (I am bad arse like that.)

I am back. 

He is still making noise. There is nothing I can do about it so....Let me continue gossiping surfing the web my thing.

How are you? Yes you... Good? No annoying colleagues? Lucky you.

Go on, have yourself a jolly good day.


Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Dear Random Person....

Random person: Where are you from? (I have even heard "are you from where?")
Me: Adamawa
Random person:   Ah, you are Atiku's sister.
Me: *straight face*

Random person: Where are you from?
Me: Adamawa State
Random person: Ah, I hope Boko Haram has not reached your people?
Me: *fake smile* No, they have not, we are fine.

Me: ..........(says something about church or bible)
Random person: Haáhn, are you Christian?
Me: Yes
Random Person: But you are Hawusa now......
Me: Arrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!

        Dear Random person,  Yes, I am from the North and shocking as this may sound to you, I am Bachama from Lamurde LGA and not "Hawusa". My ''brother'' Atiku is Fulani from Jada LGA. You see, there are over 80 ethnic groups in the 21 local government areas of Adamawa state.  Yes; there are. And each has its distinct historical and cultural heritage.

There are two major religions in my state. Christianity and Islam. You see why there really is no point being oh, so surprised that your Northern Hawusa 'friend' is a baptized, 'kabashing', spirit filled Christian?

Let me tell you more about my state....

Do you know that ''the state generally is characterized by many rivers with River Benue as the major one whose source is from the highlands of the Cameroon and flows southwards to join the River Niger?''......Errrr, keep that quote aside biko, the river flows through Numan town and you can clearly see where it meets our local river but they don't mix. Really amazing. You should come see.

Adamawa is home to 3 Universities (Federal, State and Private), 2 polytechnics (Federal and State), a Nursing school, a minor seminary, a school of legal studies, a Federal Government Girls' College, a Zoo, an international airport, Banks and more.

You do know that Yola is the state capital of Adamawa right?

Moving on.... 

Adamawa is also home to Sukur Hill, a UNESCO accredited world heritage site (I have never been there), it is also home to The Three Sisters Rock in Song LGA (never been there) The Koma Hills (never been there either), Gumpti park (you know na), Gorobi Rock ( I should visit one of these places soon) and lots more.

Yes, I am sad that all you see are sad photos from the boko haram menace. Just type 'Adamawa' on any search engine and you will be flooded with these gory photos. This is what my Adamawa is known for now. Really sad.

I want the Adamawa I used to be eager to visit for Christmas vacation. I remember how by the 18th of December my siblings and I would begin to arrange our boxes and if by the 22nd the oga at the top (aka Daddy) hasn't said anything concerning our journey, we'd begin to move our bags to the corridors.....And he begins to get the message.

It was always great going to Adamawa back then. So imagine my pain when on my last trip home,  about 3 persons asked ''why are you going where everyone is running from?''  I just smiled and said because it is home. That smile was genuine. Genuine and sad. Truly said.

Adamawa, the land of beauty, I still prefer to call it the Sunshine state.....
When did we get here? Where is the beauty?

I pray for Adamawa, my Adamawa. I pray we find the beauty once more. 
I pray we find the sunshine once more.
I pray we find peace. 

Peace to the North East.....

Wednesday, 8 July 2015

Epp me...

My people, I am tired. And sleepy.
Yes, I am at work and it is such a slow day, I feel like screaming.

I can not even rest my head on the table for a minute because I am afraid of being photographed by my colleagues.

This post is very important because there is a lesson to be learnt from it. You see, it is not good to do bad bad things. I know this first hand. Are you wondering what I am on about? Ok, I'll let you in. The thing is this, I often photograph my colleagues sleeping in the office and I blackmail them with said pictures. 

I may have said things like "be my bitch for the day or I print the picture......or I show others" Or maybe, just maybe get the victim to buy me a drink to give me the required 'strength' to delete the photos. Do not judge me.
So I am sure they cannot wait for the day they will 'catch' me. I feel so sorry for myself because I feel the day has come upon us! *wipes lone tear*. I cant help it.

Can you see my predicament? Do you feel my pain? *now I am crying*
Well, the moral of this story is this....*in Chi gurl's voice* Don't do bad bad things... Do not take photos of your colleagues dozing on days like this and most importantly, do not blackmail them.

I hope you have learnt a lesson from me today. 

Now, should I try to walk off the sleep or sneak in 5 minutes sleep and pray hard no one notices?
Or take this kind lady's advise

I need help.
Please, epp me!


Friday, 3 July 2015

Best advice ever!

This is definitely something the Bestie would say.

What would be your advice if your friend sent this to you?

I'm still laughing at the response. Who knows Uju? I want to be her friend!

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

Do not keep calm....

Whoop, whoop!
Waiyo, zamu sha giya yau!

*Wipes lone tear*You know seeing the young'uns grow make us (the elders) all mushy.
 Yes, I am exactly 62 days older than her and it is not beans! *straight face*

Alisabatu, my dear friend out of whom I "bring out the worse"....Her words exactly, now please how do you bring out what is not there biko? My fren, do not blame me but begin to ask yourself why you have "worse" inside of you and thank me for helping you bring it all out. 
I made this special cake for you hunny!
We became fast friends somehow and I love every bit of our friendship.....especially when you spoil me *rubs tummy* 
We've had good times, we already have our inside jokes *winks* and we are creating memories already.

I love when you scold me any time I deserve it. (When I don't, I dey do you kpasko!)
I love when you call me for gulma. May God forgive you. 
I especially love when you pray with me and for me.

Have I said I love you?

I love that you can smile through the storm and even encourage others.
Keep being strong; we will definitely make it to the graduations without walking sticks. kin gane ai.

I pray for you my friend. 
I pray the Lord strengthens you.
I pray that rainbows follow your clouds.
I pray that you find comfort on difficult days.

May your farts smell like mint.
May your smile never fade.
May your eyes always behold beauty.
May your story be crowned with love and success. 

Happy birthday sweetie!

PS: Where are we gonna boogie today?

PSS: I don polish my dancing shoes.


Monday, 29 June 2015

I still cry a little.....

Have you ever had your eyebrows totally messed up when all you wanted was to have dem brows on fleek? 
Kindda like this...

No? Lucky you! It has happened to me and I sill cry a little in my heart whenever I remember. I am soooooo glad though that I didn't go through the ordeal alone. Yup, at some point in the great Ahmadu Bello Unversity, Zaria, there were 2 girls walking around with eyebrows worse than those below. 

Can you feel my pain now?

When I saw this picture, I cried a little in my soul....because I know the pain that lady up there must be going through.....anyways, she will survive it. Like we did *cue in I am a survivor*

Are you wondering how that is even possible? I am here to inform you that as painful as it sounds, it is possible. And it happened to me. 

At the time, my bff, Omofeba and my humble self were in 200 level, feeling fly and experimenting with make up and trying to look even more fly. We had our hair did, nails did and just had to complete the look..... I don't remember whose idea shaping our eyebrows was but for the sake of this post, let us blame Omofeba even though I am the one with the bushy brows.

I cant remember exactly whose was done first but we both ended up very very very unhappy! Now that I'm thinking about it, I wonder how it is possible that the first person did not say anything and why the second person sat down for the assault. Again, lets blame Omofeba.....I am not sure why we are blaming her now, but let us just blame her.

Then I prayed, I prayed and I prayed really hard for my brows to grow back oh. I missed my bushy brows, I felt everyone was looking at us wondering whattapun and I stayed away from shaping them for a veeeeeeeery long time and to this day, I am very careful who touches my brows, I have to avoid more stories that touch the heart!

I don't know how long it took my dear friend to trust anyone with her brows but the last time I saw her, dem brows were on fleek! And mine? You kow na, waaaaay more on fleek! 

And if this ever happens to you, GOD FORBID!!! just find a way to tie a scarf all the way to cover the brows, that is what we did oh, for a while. Or just go for a full fringe weave!


Thursday, 4 June 2015

Phenomenal Woman....

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,   
The stride of my step,   
The curl of my lips.   
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,   
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,   
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.   
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.   
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,   
And the flash of my teeth,   
The swing in my waist,   
And the joy in my feet.   
I’m a woman

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,   
They say they still can’t see.   
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,   
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.   
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.   
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,   
The bend of my hair,   
the palm of my hand,   
The need for my care.   
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Wednesday, 29 April 2015

It is my birthday!!!!!

At exactly 7:25am, my 30th birthday will be celebrating another anniversary.

Yes, I refuse to say I am thirty anything.... My 30th will keep celebrating more anniversaries.

I have kindda planned a touching, moving write up on this day but.....

I am thankful to be here today and I pray for more years, happy years.

Happy birthday to me!
Can we just focus on me today?

Saturday, 25 April 2015

Haba shonda Rhimes, what is this wickedness?!!

She killed Derek Shephard! *wailing*
McDreamy is gone! 
Shonda Rhimes, why?!!!! Rolling on the floor, screaming 
Oya, please just come and end it. What else is there to add to the drama? You've killed them all. 

I can't believe how much I cried after watching the 'killer' episode. I'd known he died before I watched *thanks to some spoilers *. Still, I wept. Bitterly. 


I think anty Shonda is all kinds of confused. Writing Scandal and other shows. 

Now she has left me with a pot-pourri of emotions. I hate her, I love how brilliant she is. And I hate her for killing McDreamy. Should have killed someone in Scandal instead jor...

I am sad.
Mer is all alone now. Shonda has killed her mother, her father, her sister, her soul mate is gone and now they've killed the love of her life. Kilode?! Has she become a nollywood writer?

I need time to grieve.
I need time to keep hating anty Shonda.
RIP, Dr. Derek Shepherd.
I've loved you from the beginning.
But hey, onto the next one. Right?!


Wednesday, 22 April 2015

The struggle to belong is real!

My people, the struggle to belong is real oh. See what babes are doing for 'likes' on instagram. How do you wake up one morning and decide to steal a picture and post as yours? Ah'ahn, whattapun na?

I don't understand this 'I gats to belong' attitude but hey, whatever raises their skirts. I am just here to observe and share with y'all. After-all, I wont be there to share in the shame when they are put on blast. 

Really sistah?


Have you seen the cause of my worry this morning? ok, as you were.

Wednesday, 18 February 2015

So the selfie stick is really a thing?

Oh wow!
Yes, I have seen it on TV and read about it and now I have seen it with a friend.  
What do I think about the selfie stick? hmmmm... I don't know....I really don't know. But I have a question. Do people really love to take photos of themselves that much?!
Ok, so yeah, the selfie stick is really a thing.
As you were.

Tuesday, 17 February 2015

World people!!!

I just caught myself about to complain about the heat and I quickly held my mouth. Wasnt my last post a big complain about how cold it was?
Kai! world people! (please say that in your best waffy accent) we can like to complain about everything. God is really patient with us. One minute we complain about the cold, next minute, it is too hot. She is too black, he is too fair, see this short man, see this tall woman. See this big head, your head is small oh (I get this one a lot).

And yes, I am about to do just that....It is hot in the Buj!!!! OMG! I am sorry I am complaining but I am a ''world people''. Father, have mercy. I think I might just decide to go to that obodo oyibo after all....Tibs and Obiamaka oya take note (again).
Seriously though, why do we complain about stuff? Isn't it possible to just go through life accepting everything that comes our way? Some stuff we complain about, we have no way of fixing or changing. Case in point, the weather.
Another good example? The Israelites. They complained about the Manner from God! They were missing the fish, meat, cucumber and garlic they ate in Egypt. Somebody come and help me...cucumber and garlic fa! No be today world people begin show themselves. And God got angry at them and burned down a part of the camp. Hmmmm....thank God for Jesus if not ehn, this generation under Grace would not be standing right now. We would have all been consumed.
Well, He had mercy on them and brought fought quails and they had meat! Yes to suya! 
So, it might not be entirely bad to complain me thinks but I think our attitude matters a lot while we do so. Now instead of blurting out ''choi, this heat will kill me'' or ''which kind heat be this'' maybe I should say something like ''Lord,please see me through this heat and lead me to a fully air conditioned room.'' Maybe, just maybe that would help me not to anger Him like the Israelites did.
And in line with Philippians 4:6....Thank You Lord, that I am alive, strong and healthy to even get to feel the heat. Now Lord, that new car with the top notch a/c......


Thursday, 15 January 2015

It is cold!!!

This cold is not it at all! At just 16° here, I feel like staying put in this blanket because I'm pretty sure I will go crazy if I move. I don't want to even think about taking my bath because I know I will freeze. *crying*

I am not prepared for this oh! Why wasn't I warned ehn? Who are the people responsible for warning us?

So, my plans to move to Obodo oyibo have been officially moved till further notice (Obiamaka and Tibs please take note) Before I come and go and die of cold. No, that is not God's plan for me.

Who agrees with me that this hammartan is vexing? If you live in Jos or Zaria, weldon ehn? I hear it was about 2° there sometime last week. Is that true? Any Jos, Zaria person reading this, please confirm.

The way I've been layering up to work these days, Smh.... My boss must be laughing at me as I have advised myself to dress 'appropriately' to the office now. You see, I hate to put on suits and I am required to do so. But I don't. well.... I kindda sortta do every now and then but this cold has turned me to an everyday turtle neck, jacket wearing somebody.


I'm sure it is clear now that I can't stand cold right? I think I look like a chicken all the time.

OK, so I can't stay here and keep sighing. Let me go and see about that bath....

And if you are asthmatic, please, please, please cover up! Even if you are not, please cover up. To avoid stories that touch the heart.

2015, love me.

Monday, 5 January 2015

Back to work.... Happy birthday Mr. O!

Happy new year!!!! It is my first day back at work in the new year and It is my boss' birthday! Y'all know that means plenty cake for me right?

So, I grudgingly went to the office (yeah, some things never change). But I ended up getting really excited when I got there and saw my colleagues and Monsura  Y'all remember her right? Well, she is not in love with Don jazzy anymore because she dreamt of KCee, the limpopo guy and now she believes he is her future hubby. Dear God, please help that child.

Anyway, dear boss couldn't make it to the office so we took the party to his house and it was super cool. He was pleasantly surprised (I see 100% on my performance appraisal forms).... Somebody say amen!

Now, let me gush about my boss,  Mr. O... He is the awesomest and bestest boss anyone could ever have.... Envy me not. It is God's doing cz ehn, sometimes the level of craze in this my head, not anyone can handle it. He is super cool, intelligent and down to earth. If I had brain like him ehn, I'll walk around with my nose up in the air.

I am really glad I have a boss like him. Biko, join me celebrate my oga ehn and you just might get a piece of cake....

I am beginning to see why people think I might be snobbish....story for tomorrow maybe?

Back to the matter, Happy birthday Mr. O!!!!

2015, love me.