It Is My Birthday!!!

Holla People!

It is my birthday! 

I am officially a forty year old!

Hey God! 

Where did the time go? How am I forty? Omofeba, come and see oh!

Dear ‘81 Gang members, so we are really 40?

Yekpa!

Well... it is what it is and boi, am I glad... I haven’t really been excited about a birthday in a while but for this one, the big 4.0, I am super excited! I have a lot to be thankful to God for... 

I really do.

See ehn, truer words haven’t been spoken since the person that said ‘life begins at 40’ said so. S/he definitely was talking about me because ehn, I can’t even begin to explain how much life has changed in a month. So much has happened, changed, come to be, been given, taken.....in a short time, I am in awe... so much so that I would sometimes ask myself ‘is me be this?’.

So, so, if you don’t know this yet, I will soon be an IJGB. What I am saying pe is that I have left Buhari’s Naija and I now live in Biden’s ‘merica. It has been great but the JJC in me is even greater, I tell ya and with JJC as strong as mine, you know that means I already have plenty gist for y’all right?

Ehen, back to my birthday gist...No gist oh! I am just overwhelmed with God’s love and kindness and grace and mercy and the gift of life and... you get the gist na! And I have also come to the realization that gravity is not my friend... and I have officially come to the age where I can’t care; I cannot come and kill myself, biko. 

So everyone, please join me in resting my youthful years to rest as I gallantly step up to ‘Elder’ status. So, pray for me, not just today, but anytime I come to mind.

Raise a cup of whatever you drink for me.

Finally, let me be the first to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE 40 GANG, ONE OF THE WORLD’S FABULOUS AND MOST GORGEOUS INDIVIDUALS - ME!!! 

xoxo

Naija Mom Fail?

Did you ever think of the day that you would have a child and ‘payback’ some of the stuff our mothers did to us?

Yes? Correct person!

No? So I am the only weird one?

Me sha, I always looked forward to the day I will tell my child ‘come and put it in my nose’ or ‘come and put it on my head’. Hmmmm my people, me that I have been priding myself as a correct Naija momma, especially since the day my kids  madams happily waited for ice cream only to find kpomo in the ice cream bowl. 

Oh my! That’s was a very happy day for me, the day I earned major points as a Naija mother. I wish I had a candid photo to show the level of disappointment on their faces when they opened the bowl to get ‘ice cream’. 

Tihihihi... but I got a picture of the ‘ice cream’ or should I call it ponm-cream?

😁

They are even lucky that it was something edible in the bowl, unlike when we had thread and needle and a complete sewing kit in Danish biscuit tins or even full on egusi soup with better palm oil staring at you when you open ‘fan ice’ container...

Are you then wondering why I titled this post ‘...fail’ if I had already gotten points? 

Toh,  I will gist you. 

So, there I was, basking in the euphoria of earning Naija momma points with my ice cream bowl of ponmo and this child of mine came to ask where to keep her plate and I said ‘keep it on my head’. 

My people, my people that is how she actually, I mean this child actually took 2 steps towards me!

Then she stoped and said ‘huh?’

....ah! I thought to myself that the ancestors must have seen what was about to happen and whispered the gospel to her at that very crucial moment in her life. 

Because ehn...?!!

And she actually looked confused when I said ‘Dear child, thank thine ancestors for the save, please.’ 

You see how I almost lost points? Not just momma points oh, Naija momma points! Kai, it pained me! Now I have to go to my arsenal and pull out all the Naija mom-ness-ability I can pull out and go full on Naija Mama on ‘em kids! 

But I have to stop falling my own hands like I did today... that’s how I was shouting 

‘who wants chips?

‘I said who wants chips?’

‘Can’t you guys hear me?’

‘I will change my mind oh’ 

And I was thinking shooo? How can I be trying to feed them and they are just staring at me like this, not saying anything?

Next thing I heard, as I had turned to bless them with the look was ‘Oh, I think she means French fries...right mommy?’

Mogbe! I have do myself... that’s how I just jejely said ‘ehn, French fries, that’s chips na!’ 

I shall be taking my L on this one sha as I think of ways to put small Naija-ness in ‘em kids.

Please share with me any of the stunts I can pull oh! I must recover my almost lost points. 

I refuse to carry a badge of Naija Momma fail, lai lai, it can’t happen!

Pray with me!

xoxo